Page 119 of The Tryout

“Yeah. He’s boarding his flight now. It’s…it’s good, right? He deserves this. I’m happy for him.”

The other end of the line is quiet, so quiet I wonder if the call has dropped.

“Dad, you still there?”

“I’m here. I just…I guess I thought you and Finn had gotten…close, you know?”

For a moment, I consider lying, or brushing him off. Just good friends.

But sitting here alone in Iowa while Finn’s plane taxis on the runway, taking him farther and farther away from me, I find I just…can’t.

“We did, Dad. We are. I’m gonna miss him so much.”

I hope he understands what I mean, that we’re not just friends, we’re…together. Or, at least I think we are. I hope we are.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking of asking him about it – if maybe we can move from exclusive to something more. A dinner that isn’t just two bros out for a steak, the right to hold his hand in public.

A trip to California at the end of the month.

Which is, of course, why I couldn’t call Jamie with this. I don’t think I could possibly bear the I told you so, the reminder that I’d once told him to force his hand with Ethan, as though it was so easy.

“If it helps, I think he’s gonna miss you too.”

The tears are flowing again, and I sort of wish I hadn’t even called him. That I had pushed these feelings down, refused to deal with them.

Something tells me that might not have worked, not this time.

“I was thinking…”

I trail off, trying to put together the rest of the thought.

“Yes?”

“Do you think it would be okay if I skipped out on Christmas this year?”

He doesn’t respond for a bit.

“Are you…are you sure you’re okay? We could come out there again, it would be no problem.”

I realize he thinks I plan to skip out on the holiday altogether.

“No, I…I was thinking I might go up to Minneapolis. Watch a game, spend a few days.”

He hums, as though he suddenly understands it all.

“In that case, have fun. I’m sure we’ll survive without you.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Of course. Call any time, ok? Love you, kiddo.”

“Love you too.”

I end the call, pulling up my text messages. My tears are dry now that I know my next step.

Avery Lawson 1:45 PM

If the offer’s still open, I’d love to come for Christmas