Page 39 of Omega’s Fealty

There is no thinking in that kind of cold.

There is no Aurelio in it and no boat and no men with guns.

There is only the cold, closing over my head like a lid, and the current taking me. My mouth opens reflexively to breathe, and I swallow a mouthful of ice-cold river water before I come up spluttering.

I hear the shots before I hear anything else. They’re firing into the water where I went in but I am already ten yards downstream. The current has me. There’s a shout and then another shot.

I take a deep breath and let myself sink under again, staying under as long as I can. When I come up I come up on my back with only my face out. I let the river carry me past the barge.

There are lights on the deck and men swarming over it like insects. I can see the square of the hatch, with the lantern light down inside it, small and yellow.

He is in there. He’s in there, waiting for me, but the current is taking me further away from him with every second. There is nothing I can do about it.

Not really.

I could go back. When the current lets me, I could put my feet down, climb the bank, walk into that lot with my hands up and let them arrest me.

If they arrested me. They might not.

I’m no use to him dead. Alive, I might be.

That’s the whole of it. That’s the only reason I don’t fight the water and try to make my way back to him.

I tell myself that over and over as the current takes me under the bridge. You’re no good to him dead.

I can’t smell him. That’s the worst part. More than the cold. More than the dullness in my arm that I know is going to be a problem later.

I have had days of sweet vanilla and strawberry and the two of us together until I couldn’t tell where his scent stopped and mine started. The river has taken it off me in thirty seconds. I put my face in my shoulder but there is nothing there but water.

The river is pulling me further and further, around the bend. There is nothing in sight.

I make myself kick. They’re going to be after me soon, following the river and looking for me. If the river were warmer, I’d let it take me further but it’s not. Me dying of hypothermia isn’t going to help my prince either.

I need to get out of the water.

The bank comes up on the left where the concrete gives out to mud and rocks. I get an arm around a piling and hang there with the water pulling at my legs. Upstream, the lot is a smear of light. There are flashlights on the water, still looking, but they’re not moving downstream. Not yet. It helps that the river surface appears still. They think I’m under it, not realizing how fast the current is.

Let them think it.

I haul out. It takes three tries. My left arm won’t take weight. I have to do it with the right alone.

When I’m out, I lie on the mud panting.

Get up.

I get up.

I run along the fence above the river until I find a gap. Then I’m through it and onto a street with no lights. I stop, holding my arm and trying to get my bearings. I don’t know this street but I have a good idea of where I am. I need to keep moving north.

I walk. I don’t run. Running men get noticed. I’m soaking wet, but it’s dark. No one will notice if I keep away from the streetlights and they don’t look at me too close.

I walk with my head down. My boots squelch with every step.

I’m a block away from the river now. Now two blocks.

Behind me, the sky over the river is lighting up red and blue. The whole circus has arrived. I tell myself he’s safe. He’s going back to his people.

The thought sends fire through my freezing body.