Page 161 of Feralheart

I watched Eradin groom Selira. Her hands moved quickly across the dragon’s scales, checking for wounds while giving each section a fine polish.

When had anyone touched something of mine like that?

I was staring at her hands the way I’d stare at water in a desert, and she was going to notice if I didn’t⁠—

She glanced up and caught me.

I didn’t look away fast enough, and her breath shuddered. She knew exactly what I’d been thinking.

Her braid had come half-undone, and drying strands fluttered across her face. Her jaw was set off-center, the way mine did when I was forcing myself not to show something.

“How are you?” I asked Aristus. “You saved us. I owe you everything for that.” I carefully stroked along the top of his head where he’d taken the brunt of the blows, not finding cuts, though it must hurt. “Thank you. We wouldn’t have made it through the trial without you.”

I scratched along his jaw hinge some more. I’d stay here all night, doing this, if it gave him joy.

Aristus’s breathing steadied, no longer catching. I could sense him through our bond again, clearer than before, and underneath his exhaustion I felt something new.

Hope. He thought I might actually mean it this time. That I might actually be someone he was…glad to bond with.

Selira’s rumble vibrated through the space between our dragons.

Good. Satisfaction rolled through the connection she and Aristus were building. Yours learns.

Around us, other riders either set up camp or walked to the river.

“How…” I swallowed hard before speaking again to Eradin. “How do I fix this?”

“Tell him what you should’ve said all these years.”

My throat tried to close.

He couldn’t hear my thoughts. We didn’t have that kind of bond. And he deserved to hear me say it.

“I’m sorry.” The words came out rough. “For hurting and using you. I spent years pretending you were a tool instead of—” My voice cracked.

I felt Aristus listening. Waiting.

The words kept coming even as my throat tried to close around them.

“You’re the only creature who’s been with me through everything and never asked for anything except that I stop hurting you. I’m sorry it took me this long to see it. I’m sorry I had to watch someone else treat their dragon with respect before I understood what I was doing wrong. And I’m sorry that sorry isn’t enough, but it’s all I have.”

Aristus nudged my chest with his snout.

“I don’t know how to fix it,” I said, unable to stop now that I’d started. “I don’t know how to undo twenty-three years of harm. But I see what I did. And I’m going to spend however long we have left trying to be better. I’ll be what I should’ve been from the start.”

Aristus’s pain started to fade.

More elite riders arrived in the meadow. They dismounted on shaking legs, their faces gray with exhaustion. A few collapsed. Others stood in tight clusters, checking each other for injuries.

There were fewer of us than this morning. Always fewer.

Hearing movement, I turned, finding Eradin standing behind me, tears sparkling in her eyes.

This woman didn’t just see the crown prince or the role I’d played all my life. She saw the exhaustion I carried, the cracks in my control, and the parts of me I’d been hiding for so long I’d convinced myself they didn’t exist.

And she wasn’t looking away.

“Show me your hands,” I said.