Page 141 of The Faceless Queen

Brennan pulled me around a corner. Once we were inside, my back was pressed to the wall. “I’ve been trying to get you alone all day,” he hissed.

“Well, you have me now.” My heart thundered.

“Barely.” He frowned. “We have minutes at best. The priest will hold them outside to give us privacy as newlyweds—he’ll make a few statements. But they’ll be swarming the lodge any moment.” Brennan turned his head, his eyes widening as he spotted a doorknob next to my hip. He turned it, and gasped.

It was a small pantry, large enough for several people to stand inside–with a small window facing out toward the trees. But most importantly, it was empty.

He didn’t hesitate, he grabbed my waist, and pulled me inside, slamming the door shut. I leaned back against the wall, my chest heaving as I stared into his eyes. His scent filled the space, his musk, his spices. Him.

“Well,” I gestured around us. “You have me. What do you want to say?”

His brows furrowed, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know. But I don’t like where things are.”

“Then change them,” I said. “You’re the crown prince of Eskalon.” I pointed out the window. “You could run, escape right now. Or march out there and tell the truth. Turn me in.” I bit down on my lip, a painful burn exploded down my arm. The blood oath.

“Run?” Brennan asked. “Turn you in?” His neck turned red. “You think those are the solutions? You think that’s what I’d do? Who I am? Have these weeks together shown you nothing about me? All we shared, all we talked about and confessed? Was that not real? Were you lying to me even then?”

“No,” I cried. “It was real.” I reached for his heart. “It is real.”

He pressed his hand over mine. “So what would you have me do?” he asked. “Hurt you? Hate you?”

My eyes watered. “I would understand if you did. I would deserve it. I’m not a good person, Brennan. I’m a monster. You’ve seen what I can turn into.”

“You’re not a monster. I’ve seen them before. Fought them in the wild. Met them at court. I even saw them chained up last night for touching you. There are many monsters in this world, and I’ve seen what you can become. You’re not one of them.”

But he didn’t know. Didn’t know what I did to my mother. What I was going to do to him.

His jaw clenched, and he pulled his hand away from mine, his gaze turning toward the window.

“Should I hate you because you lied to me?” he asked. “Because you tricked me? Hate you because of what you are?” His eyes found mine again. “I told myself that I should all night. That I had to, that it was my duty. And yet, I couldn’t. Instead of hating you, I thought of you, I dreamed of you, I wanted you.” His voice shook. “Even after all I knew. Even after I stumbled from your Godsdamned door and felt my body take the hit. Even when I recognized the hits I’ve been taking again and again since the night we met.”

A tear rolled down my cheek.

“And yet when I woke this morning, and you were at my door, I was happy.” He shook his head. “I wanted to see you. Even while I was furious. Don’t you get it? I tried to hate you all night long. And I couldn’t.”

“But I don’t want to hurt you,” I whispered, my heart thundering with his confession. “The fact that I have is killing me.”

“But you can’t help it?”

“No.”

He sighed. “I don’t see any other way. I can’t break the contract between us. I can’t march back outside and annul this marriage. Or undo the years my father spent negotiating peace between Eskalon and Spartva. If I don’t marry Olivay, we will be at war. We’re bigger, we have a larger army, but their navy could squash us if they wanted to. They have resources they’ve kept quiet for years, allies that if called upon would bring about our end. My father arranged this for a reason. He does everything for a reason. And horrible as he is, this cannot be undone. Nor do I want to undo it. I do not wish war upon my people.”

He pushed his fingers through his hair, his eyes wild, like he’d been obsessing over this all night and had to get it out, get it off his chest.

“Even if I took Spartva out of the equation,” he said, “I still can’t run from you. If I don’t marry, if I don’t secure the throne with the promise of an heir, do you understand how easily it could all go to Jaron? How swiftly House Bathiner would take power in my absence? Thousands wish to remove my father from his throne. But would you have me replace him with Jaron? Would you gamble one tyrant for another, one is mad and sadistic?”

“No,” I said. “Jaron cannot rule Eskalon. Ever.”

Brennan’s throat bobbed. “And what do I do about you? Olivay. Samara. What the hell do I do about you?” He gripped my waist, and stared into my eyes. “You, who have found a way to steal my heart, again and again, no matter what face you wear.” His eyes blazed as he stared into mine. “Before that night in the tavern–before I saw you dance, and heard you speak, and smelled your scent,” he leaned in, brushing his nose against my neck, “I never felt that way about anyone before. I’d been with other women, but nothing moved me the way just touching your hand did that night. It tore me apart what I felt—feel. And all the while, preparations were being made at court for my wedding. I knew what I had to do. What duty demanded. What my people needed. But there was always you, the beautiful, charming Azete who crawled under my skin, who was living inside my heart, possessing my soul.”

His body pressed against mine, and my chest heaved. “I could barely look at Olivay for days. The most beautiful girl in all of Eskalon and Spartva and looking at her made me sick! So I didn’t. Until I had to. Until the tourney when I took off her ribbons and I looked into her eyes. I knew what had to be done, knew it was expected, that I had to perform my duty. I kissed Olivay, and I felt nothing but shame and disloyalty. To you. And to her. Until I didn’t … Until something changed. She was different, almost like a new person and I thought, ‘Brennan you fool, you were ignoring what was before you, what was there all along.’”

His head lowered to mine so our foreheads pressed together. I couldn’t help myself. I lifted my lips, his mouth a breath from mine. The Azete stirred, seeking, wanting.

“But that wasn’t true. I knew what I’d felt when I met her,” he said. “I couldn’t understand how my feelings had transformed so quickly. Surely it was not over a Godsdamned kiss, not when I still longed for you. My feelings only began to subside in Olivay’s presence. Then I started to—” He bit his lip. “To long to see her, to want to see her. To …” His eyes blazed, his lips brushing against mine. “To want her.”

“You want me now?” I asked, my voice rasping. My stomach clenched and turned. It wasn’t just me. It was the Azete. And from the way Brennan’s eyes widened, I knew he could tell. Could sense both.