Page 66 of The Woman I’ve Become

I stare at the newspaper’s social pages. I always look for her there. She is part of my plan.

Him, too, I think. I’m just not sure how yet.

Since my keeper trusts me to a certain degree, I sometimes overhear his conversations. I know voices and names. I watch for those names in the newspapers I read. I smile to myself. I’ve found each and every one of them. I know who these men are—what the public sees, at any rate. But I also know what they do when no one is watching . . . the same sorts of things he does.

He belongs to a network of incredibly wealthy men who have certain needs that cannot be met amid the rules of polite society. Flying across the world to find what they want has become tedious and time consuming, so they decided to form their own perfect secret society right here at home.

There is much more I need to know, and soon I will.

Very soon.

It makes me happy, this plan I have. I stroke my keeper’s thigh with my hand, and I imagine the way he will die.

Now

28

Westport, Connecticut

My eyes open slowly as if the effort is so great they barely manage the feat. I roll to my right side and stare at the bedside clock. Almost midnight. I listen for Olivia, then I remember she is back in the city with her father.

But something woke me.

A sound, whether real or from a dream. I can’t be sure.

How did I get to my room? The last thing I remember, I was on the sofa. Wait, no. Acacia helped me to bed. I vaguely remember her waking me and ushering me up the stairs. It was so bizarre. I was like a drunk being guided along.

With effort, I sit up. My body and my head feel far too heavy. I touch my lips. My mouth is so dry. Once my feet are on the floor, I stand and sway before I can steady myself.

Water. I need water. I maneuver my way to the en suite and feel for my water glass on the sink where I last left it. A quick twist of the tap and the water turns on. It sounds oddly loud rushing into the basin. I rinse my glass, then fill it and shut off the water.

When I have downed as much as my stomach will tolerate, I set the glass aside and turn on a light. It feels blinding, and I cover my eyes.

After a moment, I check my reflection in the mirror and shudder. I am a total mess. So damned pale and hollow eyed. What the hell is wrong with me?

The tea. Rage bursts inside me. It’s the only thing Acacia made that I consumed. But I took her mug after she tasted it. I should have . . .

Reality slams into me, making me sway again. She fooled me. She probably didn’t even taste the tea when she put the mug to her lips. I had her number and she knew it, so she pulled a fast one.

Damn bitch. This is it. I am firing her here and now. Whatever happens next will just have to happen without her.

I take a moment to brush my hair and put it into a ponytail. My sweater is twisted so I right it. The feel of the gun at the small of my back is painful now but I refuse to remove it. I’m thankful Acacia didn’t notice it or it didn’t fall out when she helped me to bed.

I right the cross necklace and tell myself I am prepared. Even if I do have a serious drug hangover.

I relieve myself, resettle my gun, then wash my hands. I splash cool water on my face, and I feel more awake. I brush my teeth and take one last look at myself. I look away just as quickly, sick of seeing this person who is not me.

A laugh bubbles up inside me. As someone—I can’t recall who—once told me: You dance with the devil, the devil doesn’t change, he changes you.

How very true it is. I am living proof.

Before leaving my room, I retrieve my cell from the bedside table. I check the missed calls and see that Helen has still not returned my call. Something is very wrong. It’s possible, I suppose, that she is attempting to distance herself from the strange events related to all of this. Who could blame her? Or perhaps there is more cell-service outage. She mentioned that before.

I step into the hall and shiver. The house is so damned quiet.

Acacia’s door is open, so I look to see if she’s in bed. She is not. I take it slowly down the stairs because my equilibrium is way off.

Downstairs, the lights in the living room and kitchen are on, but no Acacia. I call her name and get no answer.