Page 83 of Solo

“Kate,” he continues, “do you know what made me such a successful conductor?”

I shake my head no.

“Some conductors are hard-asses. They go in, expecting the orchestra to bow down before them, following every direction to the letter, never questioning his judgment. There are other conductors who come in all buddy-buddy, trying to be friends with the musicians. This almost always backfires because they have no respect for him when he does that.

“The orchestra wants a leader. Someone to look at the roadmap and guide them on their journey. You know, like one of those stupid ESP things.”

It takes me a second to figure out what he’s talking about.

“Do you mean a GPS?” I chuckle.

“Whatever. But here’s the thing, they also want a human being. They want to know the reasoning behind your thinking and how it applies to them. These aren’t children—even though they may act like it sometimes. You could easily be working with some of the most brilliant musical minds of the last century. It’s all about mutual respect.”

“Exactly. How can I expect them to respect me as a conductor, when they don’t respect me as person?” I whine.

“Have faith, Kate. They’ll come around. But you have got to get that balance right. I’ve had success because I’ve mastered the ratio of leadership to respect. You will, too.”

I sigh and nod, not quite sure how I’m supposed to magically master this in the next five minutes.

“Hey, what about your guy?” he asks.

I freeze.

“What?”

“Oh, come on, Kate. I can tell you’re still seeing someone. Is he coming to watch you conduct? Having him in the audience pulling for you might be just what you need.”

Truthfully, I don’t know if Drew will be there.

“Nah, he didn’t want to make me nervous,” I say at last.

“Yeah, well, that ship has sailed, wouldn’t you say?”

“Hah! Are you kidding? It’s halfway across the Atlantic by now!” I snort.

Russell picks up my score from his desk and hands it to me. He knows I don’t need it since I’ve already memorized it. It’s more of a safety net than anything else.

“Enough with the self-pity, my dear. It’s time to do some conducting.”

He opens the door for me and we slip out into the hallway. Every other time, Russell’s office feels as if it’s a mile away from the main building. Not tonight, though. It feels as if I’m walking into the concert hall in the blink of an eye.

“I’m going to watch from back here,” he says, close to my ear. “I’ll be here if you get into any trouble. Which you won’t.”

“Right,” I say, sounding unconvinced.

The orchestra is already out on stage, noodling on their instruments and chattering away. When the stage manager sees me, she signals the concertmistress who, in turn, signals the principal oboe to play an A so they can tune.

Russ takes a quick look around. When he’s sure no one is paying attention, he leans down and gives me a quick peck on the cheek.

“Don’t want to start any rumors about the two of us,” he kids, trying to ease the tension a little. “That’s the last thing you need right now.”

Oh God. If he only knew.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Drew

It’s clear that she’s in trouble from the second she sets foot on stage. There’s no hiding anything under the harsh lights overhead and she looks so damn pale. Also, she’s shaking. Shaking so hard that I can see her from where I’m standing in the wings on the other side of the stage. This is not good. Katherine steps up onto the podium, puts the score on the stand, and starts to riffle through the pages. She seems flustered as she flips from section to section, looking up nervously every once in a while.