Page 27 of Solo

She’s gone from being red with heat to blue with cold. I feel her forehead once again, but this time it’s damp and clammy. I pull another blanket from the closet and lay it over the down comforter.

“P-p-please…” she begs.

“What? What can I do for you?” I ask, watching her face intently.

And then I know. I know exactly what she wants.

Oh, Jesus. Really? I can’t do that, can I?

“Y–you want me to get under the covers with you?” I ask, hoping she’ll shake her head no. But she doesn’t. She nods.

I can only stare down at her as my right hand rakes through my hair. I can’t. There’s no way. It crosses more lines than I can count. But her eyes are begging me, wordlessly, to help her. I shake my head slowly.

“You’re sure you’re comfortable with that?” I ask her slowly, carefully, one more time, just to be sure.

“Please,” she whispers. “Please. I’m so c-c-cold…”

I pull back the corner of the blankets and slide in behind her from the other side of the bed. Once I’m there, I can feel her trembling as it shakes the mattress. Before I can think too much about the logistics of this, she takes care of it for me, turning on her left side and scooting backward toward me until her back is against my chest. I hiss with the icy touch of her skin on mine. She really is freezing.

I forget about everything except getting her warm, my hands rubbing the outside of her arms from shoulder to wrist. At the same time, I snake my right leg over hers and allow it to move up and down, creating warmth in the friction between our two bodies. Her sigh of relief comes instantaneously. I continue to rub and rub and rub, occasionally allowing myself to run a warm palm from under her arm, along the outside of her chest, hips, and thighs. She groans her appreciation.

It takes awhile, but her violent shaking eventually subsides and I feel her skin warming a little. As I sense her lapsing back into sleep, I try to move back and away from her slowly, but even in her slumber she seeks the heat of my body, scooting with me, inch by inch, as if we are attached by some invisible seam. Finally, I give up, draping an arm over her waist and counting her breaths until I find myself drifting off.

This time, Casey is nowhere to be found. And, for that, I am profoundly grateful.

Chapter Eleven

Kate

The warmth seeps in from somewhere outside of me, through my skin and deep into my bones. I want to weep with relief as this soft, enveloping heat drives away the frigid chill. Finally, the convulsive trembling has subsided and I can breathe without shaking. I can let myself drift back into the welcoming embrace of slumber. This is where I go to find my mother. Sometimes she’s there, waiting with open arms. Other times, I can only see her from a distance. Today I find her there, but she isn’t alone.

My father is screaming at me, fist raised, eyes crazed with rage. I can’t make out what he’s so angry about, though. And then, my mother is standing with him, her hand on his shoulder. “Tucker,” she says gently, “you mustn’t get yourself so worked up, my love.”

Her love. Yes, he was. And no one else’s.

“Mama?” I whisper, reaching out for her. I haven’t seen her in so very long. I’d almost forgotten how beautiful she is, long dark hair hanging in waves around her face. Her eyes are the color of cornflowers, her skin like porcelain. “Mama!”

She smiles at me. “Katie, I’m so proud of you,” she murmurs.

“Stop that!” my father yells at her. “There is nothing to be proud of. She’s brought shame upon this family!”

My mother’s brows knit together in concern. “Is that true, Katie? Have you shamed us?”

“Mama, please, stay with me,” I whisper.

Now she’s scowling at me, shaking her head. “No, Katie. It’s your fault I’m gone.”

“It’s your fault!” my father agrees, pointing a finger at me, as if he’s a wizard about to cast a spell.

I’m crying as I reach out for them. “Please, forgive me!”

And then they are gone in a flash of light, and I am standing alone on the porch of my childhood home. I bang my fists on the door, crying out for them.

“Mama, please, let me in. Daddy!”

I gasp, sitting bolt upright, fighting against the haze and the pain. My heart is pounding so hard that I’m sure I’d be able to see it thumping against my chest. If I could see anything, that is. But it’s so dark in here that I can’t even see my own hand in front of my face. It was a dream. Wasn’t it? I’m looking around me frantically, searching for some clue as to the answer, when I feel a hand on the back of my arm.

“Get away!” I hiss into the darkness, afraid to turn around, afraid it will be one of them coming for me.