Page 122 of Thief of Hearts

“When you had me tied up, you were going to abandon me. You said you planned on drugging me and then leaving.”

I glanced over at him, and his profile was hidden in the night. The moon wasn’t bright enough for me to see him. “That was what I said, and it may surprise you to learn this about me, but I lied.”

“Lied about what?”

“I was going to have you pass out and then put you on my horse. The diviner stone said your name. But I was worried that if I told you my plans that you are stubborn enough and strong enough to have fought off the elixir and you might have woken yourself up early, like you did the first time. Then it would have been a whole ordeal trying to convince you to come with me.”

A pang of sadness pierced my gut. “Is that why you’re here with me now? Just so that I’ll help you retrieve whatever treasure you’re looking for?”

I shouldn’t have been surprised by that. He had mentioned it several times.

He put his arm around me and drew me back to his side. “I’m here because you need someone to watch your back and I don’t want you doing this alone.”

That mollified me.

“Should I take first watch?” he asked.

“No, I’m too awake. I’ll do it.”

He kissed me on the cheek and then got into his bedroll. “Good night.”

I split my time between looking out at the horizon and watching him. I had been telling the truth—there was too much going on in my mind for me to sleep. Not only the things he’d shared with me and realizing how I might have misconstrued some events in our shared past, but the observations he’d made about me.

I did keep people at arm’s length. I often used humor to help create that barrier, not letting things be too serious or too real.

And Zain, unfortunately, had only substantiated my belief that people would hurt me. I had let him get close and he’d betrayed me. While I hadn’t consciously made a choice to keep others out, it was true that I didn’t let people get too close to me. I loved them, I cared about them, but there was always a distance.

He had been different.

I had let him in.

And he’d used that against me. I had thought I’d found someone who knew me. Who understood me.

Who saw me.

And he had destroyed all of that with a single choice. It was why his betrayal had been so much worse—because I’d allowed him to get close to me. Maybe I should have asked him what kind of treasure was so important to him that he had been willing to ruin whatever it was we’d shared.

But he didn’t ruin it. It’s still happening. You’re here with him, that Lia voice said.

Imaginary Lia was part of the reason why. Someone or something desperately wanted me to forgive him and I was curious as to why. There had to be a reason.

Was it my own voice, desperate to find a way to hang on to him?

If not me, then who? And to what end?

It was easier to move forward, given his apology, and although I would have been loath to admit it, his natural charm seemed to smooth over rough spots.

I couldn’t deny that that connection still existed between us. Not just the physical one, but I felt an emotional one as well.

With him telling me some of his life story—I got the impression he didn’t share that with anyone and it made me feel closer to him.

I supposed I had a choice to make. I could continue to try and push him out of my life, out of my heart, or . . .

Or I could take a risk.

Chapter Thirty-Six

I dreamed that night of the goddess. That pulsating feeling was still there, that negative noise that canceled everything else out. The landscape was the same but no Eramis. I again watched her struggle on one knee, as if being pushed down.