Page 32 of The Love Operation

Mom and Maggie are huddled waist deep in the water, arms looped together like twins. They’re laughing—giddy about keeping their hair dry. I try to edge in, but Maggie waves me off. “You wouldn’t understand, Cordelia. You’ve got White-people hair.”

They crack up. I smile, too, like I always did—like I wasn’t stung.

And then I turn, splash back toward Dad.

It wasn’t the moment I meant to revisit, but it’s the one my brain delivers.

Only . . . I’m not in it. This memory isn’t immersive. It’s just a memory.

I squeeze my eyes shut, shifting my focus. Okay. Maybe something else. My summer in Europe.

Nothing.

A sharp buzz of panic begins to build behind my breastbone. I squeeze my eyes tighter and force myself back to the Chiari procedure—the memory that always plays like a movie.

It’s fuzzy. Dim. The details scatter when I reach for them.

And just like that, I know.

It’s gone.

I feel stupid for how much I miss it. I didn’t even have it for long, but I’d already started building a new version of myself around it. Like I’d found a door to a better brain—and now it’s locked.

I fumble for my phone, fingers trembling.

Me: It’s gone. I can’t do it anymore.

Delenn doesn’t answer right away.

The loss is even louder in the silence, but as the door to the bathroom opens and someone’s shoes squeak across the floor, a little mole of excitement burrows up through the dirt of my disappointment.

We can do it again.

I stand and adjust my coat.

I need to see Delenn, but first, I have to make it through clinic.

Then I’ll get it back. I have to.

Chapter 7

“Working” Late

Isaac: Are you avoiding me?

He sent the text message after the parking lot incident this morning, but I waited to open it until clinic was over. Now I’ve finished charting, and I feel like I can’t avoid it anymore. He still has a say in whether I become chief.

Me: Of course not.

Isaac: So you weren’t running away from me this morning?

Me: You were in the parking lot?

Isaac: I never said I was in the parking lot.

Damn.

Isaac: Dr. Wren, we need to talk. Do you have a minute now? And don’t insult me by telling me you aren’t here. I see your car in the parking lot.