Page 140 of The Love Operation

But those things don’t stop me from being furious with myself for not asking, for not knowing. And even more furious with her for not telling me the second she realized I didn’t know.

I feel like a fool, because all the time, effort, energy, sacrifice, risk, and lies were for nothing.

I collapse onto the bed, shoes still on, coat still buttoned.

And then I don’t feel anything at all.

Chapter 35

Rumor Has It I’m Fine

The next day, I go through the motions. Clinic early—no OR because: probation—then the evaluation at Employee Health.

I slept hard last night—finally—and while my body feels rested, the rest of me doesn’t. I still feel off-kilter. Like the floor I’m walking on is just slightly tilted and I can’t quite get used to the asymmetry.

Everything feels like it’s unraveling, and the one thing I thought would hold me together—my memories—has been torn apart at the seams. Now I don’t know where to focus. What to trust. Who to believe. Myself included.

But I know I have to keep moving forward.

While they’re drawing blood, I pull out my phone and text Benedict.

Me: I’m taking tomorrow off. I have plans in the morning, but any chance you could meet in the afternoon?

I need to understand. Maybe I’m not seeing everything perfectly, but I can’t be fabricating my entire life either. My memories might be flawed, but they can’t all be lies.

But I do need corroboration.

I’m going to ask Benedict to recount that last day. Out loud. In full. Together, we’ll lay it all on the table. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll find the truth in both our flawed memories.

Benedict: Tell me where and when.

Me: My house. 2pm?

Benedict: I’ll be there.

I send him my address just in case he doesn’t remember how to get there, and I already feel a little better.

Then I check a new text from Dahlia.

Dahlia: Call me as soon as you’re done.

Me: Is everything okay?

Dahlia: Just call me.

That can’t be good.

I power through the rest of the examination and am declared a specimen of health. Not a surprise. I should be back in the OR as soon as the bloodwork comes back normal.

It feels like a step in the right direction, but I can’t even feel good about it until I call Dahlia.

“What’s going on?” I ask when she answers.

Her voice is tight. “Oh, Cord. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. There’s a rumor going around the OR.”

I brace myself.

“People are saying you’re sleeping with the COO to secure the chief role.”