Page 120 of The Love Operation

I won’t let him see my crumpled face.

I am humiliated.

When I resurface, the heartbreak lingers like smoke, almost like Jeremy broke up with me today instead of three years ago, but the sensation doesn’t last. I don’t care about Jeremy anymore. I’m not sure I ever cared about him like I was supposed to.

Right now, all I feel is regret that I didn’t put my pride aside and ask why. If I’d stayed just a few minutes longer, maybe I wouldn’t be here, doubting whether I’ll ever have anything good.

Everyone always tells you that you’ll find your person eventually. That the right one shows up at the right time. You smile. You nod. You agree. And maybe at one point, you believed it. But now a voice starts pounding—what if it never comes? Because it’s easy for them to say. They have partners, children, personal lives.

It’s hard to keep swatting away the bitterness, hard not to chase after the wrong thing, just to quiet the ache of not-having.

I have solved complex medical problems, cured disease, restored muscle function, stopped pain, but I can’t figure out why no one wants to stay.

I revisit the memory again. Every cold shoulder, every tight look, every grimace. Jeremy wasn’t nervous. He just didn’t want to be where he was, and he was having to pretend he did.

The word pretend chokes me, a word that feels far too familiar. I shove it down and dive back into my relationship with Jeremy, scrolling through the memories like I’m flipping through a file.

Meeting his family:

“Everyone, this is Cordelia Wren, accomplished spine surgeon.”

There’s pride on his face, but he isn’t bringing home someone he cherishes. He’s presenting an achievement.

My breath comes faster, a sting of acid swirling in my abdomen.

Out with his friends:

“How’d you land a girl like that, you lucky bastard?” one of his friends says.

Jeremy’s grin couldn’t curl any higher. “I’m just lucky she still returns my texts.”

At the time, I thought it was cute, not realizing I was the prize, not the partner.

Evenings alone:

“You need rest, right? For your busy day? I better go,” he says.

He always had one foot out the door, and I mistook it for thoughtfulness. I read admiration as intimacy. Pride as partnership.

And worst of all . . . I think I liked it, being adored for what I could do.

Jeremy wanted someone to put on a pedestal. Maybe at one point, he believed that was love. I’d like to think we wouldn’t have looked at rings if he hadn’t.

But his heart was never fully in it. And now I see that clearly.

When I surface again, I can breathe. I can’t be sure I’m drawing the right conclusions, connecting the right dots—but I think my biggest mistake in this relationship was being unattuned to what Jeremy really wanted. Ours was a relationship built on the wrong things. I just didn’t see it for the problem it was.

I break for food. Just a few bites—I don’t want to lose momentum.

Dominique Carden is next.

And I’m ready.

Chapter 30

How It Ended with the Professor

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” Dominique says.