Page 11 of The Love Operation

Mom: “It was nice knowing you.”

And then they both go still in the water.

My mouth hangs open. I pinch myself.

I almost had sex in a patient room today with a guy I can’t stop thinking about, who I definitely can’t pursue, and now this? It’s one of those weird days, like I’ve accidentally fallen into the pages of Alice in Wonderland, and my brain is having trouble committing to an appropriate emotional response.

I finally get my bearings. “What the hell was that?”

Mom’s head jerks toward me; she screams like a coyote who’s just huffed helium. Dad and I jump. He tries to sit up, but his foot slips, and he wipes out spectacularly, sloshing a wave of water onto their very expensive hardwood floors.

“Cordelia!” Mom gasps, gloved hand to her chest. “You scared the daylights out of me! What are you doing here? How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough,” I say, then I gesture wildly at . . . all of it. “Are you recording yourselves filming some low-budget remake of Titanic?”

Dad’s whole face lights up like I just complimented his life’s work. “Pretty excellent, right?”

Mom covers her face with her hands as if to cool burning cheeks, then her shoulders drop, and she turns to Dad. “Should we reshoot? Do you think Cordelia was in the shot?”

Dad shakes his head, dismissing the concern. “Even if she was, the fans will love it.”

“Fans?” I laugh-ask because they’re joking, right?

Mom bites her bottom lip and reaches for her phone. “We started a TikTok.”

I blink. “What?”

“You know what TikTok is, right?” Dad asks.

“Of course I know what TikTok is. I just didn’t know you knew.”

“Yeah. We’ve gone viral three times this month.”

“Viral? You’ve been doing this for a month?”

Mom crinkles her nose. “Two months.”

Then she flips her phone around so that I’m staring at her screen: @DisasterpieceTheatre. 347,532 followers.

I brace myself and click on the first video I see. A reenactment of Braveheart.

Mortification keeps me from making it past the first couple of seconds. Then I look at the comments.

@HistoricallyIncorrect69: As a history major, I should be offended. But I’m actually in awe.

@MomLuvsMovies: My son had to do a report on Braveheart. I made him watch this instead of the actual movie.

@CinematicTrashfire: I laughed, I cried, I questioned my life choices. 10/10.

@UnhingedFan99: Petition to get these two cast in the next Gladiator sequel.

@ScotlandForever: Can’t believe you did this without a single bagpipe. Disrespectful.

@Bob’sBiggestFan: Shook my soul. I am a different person now.

@GrandmaChaos: My husband and I reenacted your reenactment. Marriage stronger than ever.

“Oh. My. Goodness.” I look back up at them like they’re aliens.