Page 32 of Dark Notes, Volume Two

I’m not even sure what the worst part of this fucking withdrawl is. The watering eyes and running nose are bad, but that’s not it. It’d have to be between the constant pain in my bones and the damn restlessness in my legs.

Laying back with my eyes closed, I take a deep breath as my buddy shoots me up until the agony subsides.

“Fuck,” Jason growls, as he puts the car into drive. Popping my eyes open, I immediately see his concern as Jagger goes chasing after us on foot even now that we’re moving. He’s fucking pissed. This is not going to be good. As he races out of the parking lot, it’s not my best friend that’s on my mind. It’s her.

Mia.

I would never want to hurt her, but when faced with her staring at me in that state, I knew I had to. In a moment, it all became clear that I can’t be what she needs. I have to sacrifice what I want for what’s best for Mia. My craving for her is nearly as bad as fucking heroin. I’ll try to stay away from her, but I’m a weak man and I don’t know if it’s going to be possible.

“What’s the plan with the girl?” Jason asks as he pulls up to my house.

I shrug, “Let her go. She’s too good for this life.”

He flashes me a sinister grin as I open the car door.

“She’s not off limits then.”

I freeze before turning to him and narrow my eyes.

“She is. Touch her and I’ll cut your throat.”

I may not be what she needs, but I’ll kill any asshole that dares touch her.

He chuckles, but I ignore him as I exit the vehicle and head to my front door. Jagger will be here soon. I’m sure of it. When he shows up, I know it’s not going to be pleasant. My best friend has been begging me to get clean for years, but since he met McKinley, it’s gotten worse. He tried to make a rule that there are no drugs on the road. Good fucking luck, buddy. I don’t go to the grocery store without being high. I sure as fuck am not getting on stage sober and sick as hell. Jagger doesn’t get it because nobody does. Unless you’ve been controlled by this fucking drug, you won’t. It’s hell, and it’s not a choice. Not anymore.

I open my door and step inside when I’m shoved from behind. I turn around and find Jagger staring daggers into me.

“Fucking asshole,” he says through gritted teeth.

Standing in my doorway, I raise an eyebrow, and say, “Are you done now?”

His fists are clenched as he storms past me, walking straight from my entry-way to the living room and plopping down on the couch. I kick the door shut and follow him, ready for a fight. We’ve done this song and dance before– It always begins with a lecture, and ends with my refusal to go to rehab.

“What the fuck are you doing? Why did you bring that innocent girl into your shit? And my wife’s best friend?”

I shrug my shoulders as I sit in the black leather chair across from him. Jagger barks out a laugh, but there’s no humor behind it.

“You don’t care about her. If you did, you wouldn’t have said that hateful shit to her.”

I shake my head at him as I wonder if he’s really that clueless.

“I did what I had to do for her to go away.”

I don’t miss the sad expression on his face before he speaks again.

“We’re going to find someone else for keys.”

I tilt my head at him as I try to process what I think he’s saying.

“You’re firing me?”

He rises from the couch and shakes his head in irritation.

“Yeah, Jett we are. You can finish the dates we have booked already, but then, it’s time to either get help or move on.”

I don’t move. I don’t respond. My breaths come out heavy as he walks toward the door, knowing he’s taking everything I have left. If I don’t have music or Mia, I won’t survive.

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