Page 33 of The Honor Society

I wonder if that’s what he thought when I shot him, how bad it sucks, how much he wants to live, for himself, for his friends, maybe even for me.

The Proctor kicks open a door. It’s a small office with a black leather couch. He drops me on it and then hovers over me, his face so close I can almost taste him.

“Time to confess your sins, Charlie.”

“What?”

“Think of me as a priest, if it helps, you can pray, but many have tried in my presence, I think I block the direct path to God or maybe he just stops listening to their cries and allows me to be the one to bring justice to this pathetic world we live in, who knows?”

He flicks open a lighter and closes it, only to do the same thing over and over again. “Focus on the light Charlie, right now your nervous system is in overdrive, it needs something to focus on.”

“W-what are you doing?”

“Repetitive movements, the clicking, the proximity, the light, breathe it all in, focus on this moment and confess, Charlie.”

My head starts to spin. “I, I was told my name was on The Dean’s List, I wanted the truth and then, I was told to get close to Lilah which was easy since,” what am I doing?

“Since?”

It tumbles out of me. “Since I genuinely adore her. And then Jude showed up and complicated things, Axel, Axel, he,” I lick my dry lips. “Was the outlier. I didn’t expect to fall in love with him.”

“The best sort of love, and attraction are often surprises, Charlie,” he leans in, and presses his hands down on my shoulders. “Relax, I don’t bite.”

“You kill.”

“Only if it’s called for, not because it amuses me, sweetheart.”

“C-change,” I yawn why am I so sleepy? “Change the voice, I want to hear your real voice.”

“Nobody gets the honor.”

“I want to see your face.” I try. What do I have to lose?

“You wouldn’t be able to handle its beauty.” He chuckles.

“So you’re scarred?”

“I’m fucking stunning.” He says it quickly, every other response has been measured and that’s when it hits me. When he was in the hospital, Axel said something identical to that. Weird. Really weird. I’m clearly drugged or something happened to me.

“It’s the lighter.” The Proctor clicks it open and shut again. “It gives you something calming to focus on, to listen to, it brings your attention to something basic so you don’t snap. Do you know your origin, Charlie? What your family stands for? What they would die to save? Live to protect?”

“What are you talking about?”

“One day,” his hands are on my shoulders, he’s inches from me, his breath on my neck, his lips grazing my skin as he speaks. “I will tell you to move, it won’t be a suggestion, it will be a demand.” His mouth lingers by my neck and then the mask lifts, just enough for his mouth to slide down my shoulder. I jump but he keeps me pinned against the couch. “Your answer will be yes.”

“Yes.” I love Axel. I know I do. But what is this monster doing to me? Is he though? He hasn’t really touched me. He hasn’t killed me. I need to do whatever it takes to stay alive, right? I turn into him so our lips nearly touch. He shoves my head to the side and bites into my neck. I cry out as he sucks, swirling his tongue around the edges his teeth dug into.

He jerks back, mask fully in place. “I’ll take that as your yes, and a reminder when you look in the mirror, your soul may belong to your precious Axel. Your life may be your own. But from here on out. Your body. Is fucking mine. He doesn’t touch you. Nobody touches you. If anyone as much as breathes wrong in your direction. They die. And that’s on your conscience. You go to school, you go back home, you lock your doors, rinse, repeat. For fifteen days you’re officially under house arrest. I’ll send men to your apartment. Jude will understand your idiot boyfriend may be a tough one, think you can hurt him enough to keep him away Charlie or should I send him a reminder?” He pulls out a knife.

“No!” I hold up my hands. “I can do it. I’ll do it. If it keeps him alive. I’ll do anything.”

“And yet you still shot him.” He seems amused by this. And also weirdly obsessed, why the hell does he care so much about Axel?

“I shot him to protect him from The Proctor! A lot of good that did me.”

“Ah, the sin is finally being confessed, delicious.” He laughs. “They’ve been playing you all along, the important part is that they don’t gain access to you.”

“Who? Why?”