Page 121 of Velveteen vs. The Consequences of Her Actions

Sadly for her, mustering this attack required her to take her eyes off of Victory Anna, who promptly fired a beam of solid-looking red light at The Parliamentarian’s chest. The impact knocked her backward into a rank of trash cans, knocking them over and sending her sprawling.

Victory Anna made a small, satisfied sound and propped the gun on her shoulder as the owls that had been harrying them broke off and flew away, all save the ones that had switched sides to fight with the Princess. Those owls settled in the trees alongside the eagles and ravens, watching the scene with wide orange and yellow eyes.

Velveteen took Tag’s hand as the flying carpet came in for a landing behind them. The Princess stalked toward the fallen form of The Parliamentarian, followed by a swarm of squirrels dragging lengths of velvet ribbon.

“Tie her up,” she said, with an imperious wave of one hand.

The squirrels rushed to do exactly that. Victory Anna nodded approvingly as she watched this happen. “Jolly good,” she said. “Should we call the authorities now?”

“Better,” said the Princess. “We’re going to hand her off to the lawyers. They’ll make sure she pays for what she’s done.”

Somehow the way she said that was far more sinister than anything involving police could possibly have been. Velveteen shuddered.

Victory Anna turned to face her and froze, gun’s muzzle sliding off her shoulder and pointing downward at the ground. She stared, skin going pale under its spattering of rusty freckles. “Epona’s mercy upon us all,” she breathed. “It seems the fight is yet to be ended.”

“Whoa, whoa!” yelped Velveteen, jumping in front of Tag with her hands raised. “Don’t shoot my dead boyfriend who isn’t dead anymore!”

“Your what?” asked Victory Anna.

“Hi,” said Tag, poking his head around her and waving. “How’ve you been, Torrey?”

“Better than you, it seems, as I have been among the living all these many days,” said Victory Anna, eyeing Tag with suspicion.

“Can’t recommend death,” said Tag.

The Princess walked back over to them, dragging The Parliamentarian by one leg. “Vel, sweetie, may I borrow your carpet? I don’t want to carry this deadbeat deadweight all the way back to the castle.”

“Sure,” said Velveteen. “Knock yourself out.” She waved a hand and the flying carpet drifted over to the Princess, bobbing next to her like a faithful hound.

The Princess hoisted The Parliamentarian onto the flying carpet and began to walk gracefully away, the carpet with its burden of supervillain following along behind her.

“We owe her a really nice card,” said Tag.

“We owe her a lot of things,” Velveteen agreed. “Torrey, do the dead not come back in your world?” A little hypocritical if they didn’t, given what had happened with her and Polychrome during the climactic battle against The Super Patriots.

“Not often,” said Victory Anna, watching Tag. “When it does occur, it’s either miracle or transgression against the gods.”

“This is a miracle,” said Velveteen firmly. “And the miracle is coming home with us, so I need you to promise no more ray guns or morning threats, all right? I just got him back. I need him to be around for a while.”

“Also pro not me being dead again any time soon,” said Tag.

With a streak of rainbow light, Polychrome landed next to her girlfriend. Like the trained superheroine she was, she took a quick look at the situation, sweeping her eyes across the scene. Like a loving friend, she immediately came to the appropriate conclusion, squealed, and flung herself at Tag, knocking him away from Velveteen with the force of her embrace.

“Are you finally free?” asked Tag, taking in her costume with a quick sweep of his eyes. “Are you allowed to have the bacon?”

“I can eat all the bacon I want,” Polychrome assured him, and squeezed him again.

Velveteen tapped her on the shoulder. “Please let my boyfriend breathe. I just got him back from the dead. I don’t want to go through all that again.”

“What are you going to do with him?” asked Victory Anna.

Velveteen turned to Tag and smiled. “Love him,” she said. “I think that’s going to be enough.”

“I am sort of your problem now,” Tag agreed.

Velveteen smacked him on the arm as the four of them laughed, and an owl watched unblinking from the nearby trees.

VELVETEEN PRESENTS TAG vs. Being Alive