Page 30 of One More Time

‘Charlie’s just wandered in, so I better go and get breakfast started, Mum. Thanks for the chat.’

‘Okay, then. I’m always here, any time of the day or night. I love you, Grace.’

Grace steadied her voice. ‘I love you too.’

‘Say hello to that sweet granddaughter of mine, and tell her Nanna is sending her a little package for her third birthday.’ Her voice quivered. ‘I’m so sad we won’t be able to be there for the party.’

‘There’s always next year.’ Grace choked back a sob. ‘Please say hi to Dad for me.’

‘I will when he gets home from work, he’s on night shifts at the moment.’ Edith’s warmth cradled Grace’s ear. ‘Ta-ta, love. Take care and talk soon.’

Grace hung the phone up, using the few seconds as she did to get her thoughts straight. She didn’t want what she was about to say to turn into another useless argument.

‘Good morning, Grace.’ Charlie’s voice was hoarse.

‘Morning.’ The sink was spick-and-span, but she grabbed the cloth and wiped it down anyway.

‘How’d you sleep?’ His spoon clanged as he stirred two sugars into his coffee.

‘Okay, I suppose.’ She fought to keep her voice steady. ‘Why did you sleep on the couch again?’

‘I don’t want to wake you up with my nightmares any longer, Grace. You’ve got too much on your plate to go and add lack of sleep to the list.’

Grace swallowed a curse word. He has no idea just how high my plate is piled.

There simply wasn’t enough of her to go around. Hope needed her. The teashop needed her. Charlie needed her. Damn, even the purring cat curling at her ankles right now needed her. When was she meant to find time for herself? When did she ever get to experience the happily-ever-after with Charlie that she longed for, that they’d talked about as young lovers? With every beat of her heart, she still loved him so, but she couldn’t – wouldn’t – live like this any longer. Unable to bite her tongue any longer, she spun to face him, sure the fierceness she felt in her heart was written all over her face. ‘I thought you’d stopped, Charlie.’

Charlie’s red-rimmed gaze widened. ‘Stopped what?’

Grace folded her arms. ‘Drinking.’

He was momentarily taken back, but recovered quickly. ‘I have.’

‘Please don’t lie to me, Charlie.’ She heaved an almighty sigh. ‘I found the bottles of booze, and just so you know, I have tipped them down the sink.’

Realisation flashed across his face. His mouth went to form a reply, but then he must have thought better of it. Casting his gaze out the window, he raised the steaming mug to his lips, and took a tentative sip before responding. ‘You’re right. I am drinking again.’

Grace shook her head. ‘It’s always one step forward, two steps back with you, isn’t it Charlie?’

He flicked indignant eyes her way. ‘That’s not fair, Grace. I’m trying my hardest.’ He shifted his weight from foot to foot. ‘I’m not drinking like I used to, just a nip here and there to take the edge off, that’s all. To get me through the day, and to help me sleep’

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘A load of nonsense, and you know it. One drink is too many for you, Charlie, and ten isn’t enough.’

His eyes widened before he dropped his gaze to his socked feet. ‘I know. You’re right, and I’m sorry.’ He drew in a breath as he squeezed the bridge of his nose. ‘I’ve tried everything, Grace. The counselling, the medication, heck, even the damned hypnosis, and nothing’s helping. The drink, it’s the only thing that stops those damn nightmares.’

‘How about coming back to church with me?’

‘I’ve told you a million times, that’s not going to help me, Grace.’ He half shrugged in pitiful apology. ‘I just don’t know what to do anymore, and I’m scared, really scared.’ He broke down and wept, his head buried in his hands.

Like that bottle she’d tossed away, Grace’s heart shattered. How was she meant to stay angry with him? This broken man was her husband, and she needed to comfort him.

Closing the distance, she wrapped her arms around him. He pulled her close, and held her tight, as if hungry for her love. Grace couldn’t recall the last time they’d made love. A couple of months? More? They remained wrapped in each other’s arms until Charlie’s tears subsided and he stepped back, shamefaced and unable to hold her gaze.

‘I’m so worried about you, Charlie.’ In all their years together, she’d never seen him so lost and distraught. ‘I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.’

‘You can’t do any more than you already are.’ Pulling a handkerchief from his trouser pocket, he wiped his cheeks. ‘I’m so sorry for putting you through this, I really am.’ He cleared his throat. ‘I don’t know how you can still love me when I’m only half the man you fell for.’

‘Oh, Charlie, stop that now.’ She took his hand and squeezed it. ‘We will make you whole again. There has to be a way.’