Page 8 of Road to Rosalee

‘I was young and stupid and didn’t want him to think I was trying to trap him. Nor did I want him to talk me into having an abortion, if that was what he decided was for the best.’ Lucy paused, taking little gasping breaths.

‘It’s okay, Mum. Take your time.’

Even though she had a million questions and her mind was spinning, Melody couldn’t believe how calm she was being. But with her mum so close to death, nothing else mattered as much.

After a few minutes, Lucy had regathered herself enough to speak again. ‘I kept telling myself once you were born, I’d tell him. Then when you turned one, I’d tell him, then … well, you get the picture. And here we are.’

All Melody could do right now was nod. As she cast her gaze to the floor, tears welled and trickled down her cheeks and she roughly brushed them away. She was so tired of crying, especially knowing there’d be plenty more to come.

‘I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I shouldn’t have kept this from you,’ Lucy sobbed. ‘I’m such a failure as a mother.’

‘Oh, Mum, no, you’re not.’ Melody shot to her feet, pushing her own turmoil to the side, as she plucked two tissues – one for her and one to wipe her mother’s cheeks. ‘You’ve always done what you thought was best, and put me before everything else in your life.’ Leaning in, she kissed her mum, their tears mixing. ‘I forgive you for not telling me.’

‘Oh, my beautiful girl, thank you. You’ve always had a kind heart, and a gentle soul. You’re going to go so far in this life.’

‘One step at a time,’ they said in unison.

Feeling as if she were about to shatter into a million tiny little pieces, Melody carefully climbed in beside her mum, and draped an arm over her chest. ‘I love you so much. I don’t want you to go.’

‘You’re going to be okay, sweetheart. I just know it.’ She turned to face Melody, their noses touching. ‘And when you’re missing me, I want you to look up at the stars and know I’m looking down on you, loving you from the heavens.’

‘I promise I will.’

‘Good. That’s all I need to know.’ Lucy’s eyelids began to drift and flutter.

‘Thank you for telling me about my father.’

‘Of course, love. You deserve to know.’

Melody felt compelled to know more. ‘What’s his name?’ She couldn’t make a decision now, but at least she’d have the option to google him later.

‘Matthew Walsh. As far as I know, he works on the family station. Rosalee Station.’ Lucy’s words were beginning to sound as if she were drunk.

‘Okay.’ Melody pulled the sheet up and over both of them.

‘If you find him, please tell him I’m so sorry.’

‘I will, Mum. You sleep now. I can see you’re exhausted.’

‘You too. I love you, my Sweet Melody.’

Closing her eyes, Melody said, ‘I love you, too, Mum, with all my heart.’

* * *

Sunlight poured through the parted curtains, stirring Melody from a bad dream, one where she could hear her mother’s hysterical screams from her freshly buried casket. She was down on all fours, raking at the earth with her hands, her fingernails lifting with her frenzied digging, but getting nowhere fast. She could hear her mother gasping for air, suffocating, and she couldn’t get to her quick enough.

Waking with a fright, Melody quickly realised she was in her mum’s bedroom, still lying alongside her. She looked to her mum’s face, only inches from her own. She held her breath, listening for her mother’s. She couldn’t hear it but maybe it was just soft and faint. Sitting up a little, she took her mother’s hand in hers. To her horror, it was cold, limp … lifeless.

‘Mum?’ She sounded as tiny as a mouse.

Silence.

Leaning in, she rested her ear up against her mother’s lips. There wasn’t a breath.

‘No,’ she sobbed. ‘Please lord, don’t take her from me. I’m not ready to say goodbye yet.’

Staring into her mum’s face, now so peaceful, so free of pain, like a glass dropped from a great height, her heart shattered into a million tiny pieces.