Page 125 of Taking Sides

“Is it because he took the fastest skater title from you at his rookie All-Star game?” Even asking the question feels too petty to be true.

But Victor’s face hardens.

“Seriously?”

“It isn’t because of the stupid fastest skater competition.”

I wait for him to explain why he’s holding a grudge against the guy I’m in love with and possibly having a baby with.

“He’s so full of himself. It’s obnoxious. When he won that competition, he had all these people there to celebrate him like he’d solved world hunger. His parents and friends, even some teammates were there. It was a fucking spectacle.”

Understanding settles over me, along with a healthy dose of sympathy for my brother. Conrad had lots of people show up for him, and Victor had no one except me.

“You were jealous of the support he had,” I say simply and without judgment.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He runs a hand over his head. “I’ve won a lot of awards and games, but I don’t think I’ve had that many people combined be there for me over the years. So it’s possible I started hating him because he represented the things I’ll never have, but I wasn’t the only one being a prick the other day.”

“I know.”

“He isn’t the saint you think he is.”

“And he hasn’t had the perfect life you think he’s had.”

He sighs heavily and lets his head drop back onto the couch. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. I love him.”

Victor’s jaw tightens.

“And I love you.” I smile at him. “But I’m mad at you too. You hurt my feelings. You know how it hurt me when Dad teased me about not being a good hockey player.” I lower my voice. “You’re turning into him.”

It’s my biggest fear. His too, I think.

He doesn’t reply, but I can feel Victor ruminating beside me.

“What happened the other night when you got the game misconduct?”

“I know what it looked like, but I didn’t do it on purpose. Not this time.” He says the last part quieter than the rest. “I got tripped up and I panicked. After all the injuries these past couple years all I could think about was breaking my fall.”

“Not this time?” I shake my head and give him a disapproving head tilt.

“It’s all part of the game.”

“No.” I shake my head. “You take it to another level.”

“Someone has to be the bad guy out there. Houston pays me to be that guy. Or they did.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this.”

“It may not be at all.” He runs his hands down his thighs.

“What do you mean?”

“My agent isn’t sure there’s a trade out there for me. If Houston cuts me, I may be done.” There’s no inflection in his voice, but I know he’s scared. He must be. Hockey is all he’s ever known.

“Do you still love it?” I ask him.

He’s quiet for a few moments. “I don’t know.”