Page 39 of Hostile Saint

Memories… How is it they have such powers? Physically, the events no longer exist, yet the memories of them have the ability to cut with the authority of God.

Even though the sun was up, I only saw night. Even though we were still driving through a city, I only saw my bedroom and her naked body. “We were…” I swallowed, suddenly tasting her on my tongue, “making… love.” My voice slipped to a whisper, “Her skin, so soft, so smooth…” Now, having been without her for a little while, I realized how incredibly entrancing she was for me. “She could keep all my thoughts of their terror at bay. Maybe that’s why I was so distracted.” In dismay, I covered my hungry mouth because the cruel brothers were invading my mind.

Full of remorse for such a deadly mistake, tears dripped to my hand still covering my gaping mouth and struggling breaths. “I didn’t hear them until it was too late.” I blew out a shaky breath, knowing it was time to let the truth out. “I couldn’t let them find her with me. Lace and I together would have shown that they had lost some control over us.”

A sob escaped me. “They were so ruthless and brutal. I had to do all I could to protect her. So, I jumped out of the bed and rushed my girl into the closet.” In the car, I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. “Maybe I should have chosen the window and told her to run home. Maybe…” I took a deep breath to regain some composure. There was no point in trying to change what was already done. I lacked the powers my memories had. I wasn’t Godly. I was only a young man, clinging to the one hope he had; the chance at freedom.

“As I yanked on a pair of jeans to prepare to face them, hearing all four of them coming down the hallway, laughing and carrying on as if they were normal, I stared at those closed closet doors and begged them to become fire. Burn anyone who dared try to reach Lacey, who was about to learn what I had been up to. Why her nights hadn’t been full of common terrors for almost three years.”

There had been a ghastly price, but it was so worth it to keep her safe. Just thinking about that price had past experiences of the beatings and torture flowing through my broken soul.

With gratitude and atonement, I admitted, “I was Lacey’s first kiss, too. But… I wasn’t her first of anything else, sexually.” Sniffling and wiping under my nose, I tried to explain my actions, my stupidity that was truly heroic, considering I felt there were only two options; me or her. “That all started before I found her, including after she started getting her monthly cycles… The blood fascinated them. They believed it was like stealing her—” I couldn’t voice how they were the ones who had taken her virginity. “I don’t know for sure when the sexual acts started to escalate, before or after I found her at the beginning of our ninth grade. But once I actually witnessed the devastating aftermath? Everything changed for me after that.”

Deep inhale… “One night, toward the end of our ninth year of high school, I had snuck into her bedroom through the window she kept unlocked just for me. It was dark, but I could still see her puffy eyes and blotchy skin. She was in her bed, where they had left her.” I rubbed the heel of my hand on my chest, which was cracking open all over again. “Curled in a fetal position of pain, she…” Breathe… “That precious little scarred hand of hers,” I held up mine to remind them of the bond, “reached out for me.” I slammed my own scarred palm to my chest so hard I hoped I would break a bone. “Me! She reached for me!”

Gasping, I cried, bracing my hands on the seat in front of me. “Oh God, there were so many horrid things on her nightstand.” I leaned my head back to get fresh air that I wasn’t sure even existed anymore. Tears dripped back and into my ears. “The enormous cucumber… The yellow squash, now red with blood.” I cried, pleading for someone to change what I couldn’t. “They had violated the place that is sacred—” I banged my head back against my headrest. “I became so angry at them for all the pain they caused her!”

Dragging my palm down my face, I said, “She wouldn’t let me take her to the hospital, and I finally caved, not forcing her to go. With all the naïve good intentions I had, I went and grabbed all the antibiotics we had collected.” Surrendering to fate, I explained to the men in the car, “I couldn’t let this happen to her again. So, it was then that I decided to be bait. To do anything it took to keep them from hurting her anymore. For the next couple of years, I did all I possibly could to draw their attention from her. I even went as far as to taunt them over the phone while they were at college if I knew they were scheduled to come home over the weekend.”

In the car, my body shook, remembering all the guts it took to make those calls, knowing I would soon have broken ribs and other grisly injuries. “One weekend, they decided I was far too ‘ballsy’.” That night was hell. “So, they cut into my pair.”

The three men finally broke their stoic posture, all showing empathy by moving in their seats.

“Yeah. They thought I was ‘in need’ of a vasectomy.”

“Jesus H. Christ.”

Remembering how hopeless it was back then, I shrugged. “I have no idea if they succeeded, but I can say Lace never became pregnant, and we never used birth control. She and I had no money for that,” a sorry excuse for a smile crossed my lips, “yet couldn’t keep our hands off each other.” My sad attempt at a smile faded. “That connection between us was all that was keeping the two of us from killing ourselves.”

I was surprised when three heads nodded.

As Vice turned onto the dirt road that changed my life forever, my skin broke into a cold sweat. My voice was void. “I don’t know if I have the courage to speak about all the heinous things they did to me, but I will give it a shot. Just, please, try to understand that it was a case of me doing all I could to spare her of their crimes. I chose her.” The car came to a stop as I stared past the front seats and through the windshield. “I will always choose her.”

As I opened the door, my eyes locked on the irrevocable path…

I got out, my shoes crunching the dirt. My heart stammering in my chest.

I closed the door, not able to see anything other than Lace that night, horror on her face.

“She couldn’t handle me screaming.” I took a step. “The brothers had me tied to a chair in my bathroom and, with plyers, were crudely ripping out my molar.” I took more steps forward. “She came running from her hiding place…” My chest expanded with adoration. “That beautiful, strong, gracious, angelic, and impressive soul pushed all her debilitating fears aside and faced her demons…” I looked to an appalled Lynx, “for me.”

Numb, and facing forward again, I walked on. “They were so stunned she was there, that she was easily able to push them out of the way to get to me. All four of them stood there in shock as she endearingly placed a washcloth in my bleeding mouth.”

The small rocks on the dirt road, that had damaged my feet, no longer felt as threatening with sneakers on. “But their disbelief only lasted for a short minute. All too soon, they ripped her away from me.”

Lynx peered down to the still healing rope burns on my wrists as if they were making more sense now.

I nodded. “I fought so hard to break free… but I failed her.” I gazed back up to the path that was mine to journey. “She, too, lost a molar that night. They tied her to a chair in my bedroom, right in front of the bathroom so I would have a front-row seat to the horrific show.”

Three sets of biker boots followed me, having my back, as I traveled…

“When she passed out from the sickening pain, they left her and came back to me.” Dirt under my feet, I took a deep breath, carrying on… “They were furious to learn Lacey and I had been seeing each other behind their backs.”

“What?” Her brother was trying to act blasé, but his rage was bubbling through his façade. “You two think you are ‘in love’ or something?”

Lost in memories, I told the bikers, “I couldn’t answer Jarod with the cloth in my mouth.”

Damien angrily paced behind her chair while glaring at me.