Page 94 of Bleed Me

Justice didn’t ask for me to set her down, so I didn’t. I held her back to my chest as she spoke with a tragic betrayal mixed with hatred. “You should have killed him.”

“He was a child—”

Her body coiled in my arms. “He was a monster!”

“Twelve! He was fucking twelve!”

Her arms and legs began to flail again. “He fucking tortured us! A twelve-year-old who already was the darkest of the fucking dark!”

Restraining Lynx, Elle trapped between them, Dagger yelled over his shoulder, “Giver! Get her out of here!”

Brothers cleared a path as I removed the woman who had gone mad. She bellowed, “The darkest of the dark! The cruelest of the cruel!”

Lynx’s voice echoed from his room, “I don’t kill fucking children!”

Not caring what her bother had to say, Justice kicked at walls and anything else in her path! “He is deranged! He is the devil’s spawn!”

Saint, where the hallway bent, waved me to follow his lead. “Outside. Let’s get her to the Pasture.”

I followed him up the Barn stairs and carried my belligerent woman out into the early morning sun. The rays did nothing to calm the awakened beast inside her. Saint, reacting as he suspected nothing less would happen, ran ahead of us, searching for something. When he spotted the baseball bat Brat had used, I knew he had a plan. Saint motioned for me to keep following him while Justice screamed about a child who had made her life a living hell. A child who was even more sadistic than his dead father.

By the side fencing of the compound, Saint laid a baseball bat on the ground and yelled over Justice’s howls of injustice. “When I’m far enough away, set her down by this and then run, Giver!”

At this point, I was willing to listen to anyone. Justice was spitting, sweating, and swearing, blinded by a rage so deeply rooted she could no longer see or hear logic.

It was time to let this caged wild animal… free.

As soon as Saint was far enough away, I whispered, “I love you,” in Justice’s ear, even though I knew she was too far gone to hear me. Then I set her on her feet… and fucking ran!

Like a deranged beast, Justice spun around to attack but ended up tripping over the bat. As soon as she eyed it, it was in her angry hands and swinging madly at a ghost I could not see because it was all in her mind. It was as if she was reliving her horror, but this time with a weapon to protect herself. Every tree, fence post, and nearby object took a ferocious hit. She swung and struck as if she would die if her wrath was not released.

Saint, without a word, offered many apologies.

I was grateful he had given my girl an outlet. Now, he needed to check on his. “Go. Go to Jamie.” I faced my raging woman. “This is where I belong.”

Saint ran back to Jamie, who had probably heard everything and was worried.

I stayed rooted for as long as it took for Justice to find some peace. My chest ached at witnessing her fury. It was raw and full of such anguish; I wanted to hit my knees and beg God to heal her. But God prefers we work through our terror. I guess He feels it is part of our journey. As much as I understood that lesson of life, I wasn’t going to let Church Eyes walk that path alone. I wasn’t going to leave her unaided in memories that stole her sanity in this way. No. I watched over her and guarded her, like Dick had done for me.

A spent joint lay in the ashtray next to our tub, Justice laying on top of me. Too worn out to move, she was on her side, curled up, her mind finally returning. With a warm, wet washcloth, I wiped dirt from her face. I had many questions but didn’t ask a single one. My girl needed the weed to own her for a while, giving her a reprieve from the madness that had stolen her.

I’m not sure why I thought water would help, but it did.

In the tub, we were both fully clothed, even had our biker boots on. But at least now she was calm.

Dazed, but calm.

In the water, her long hair floated around us. Mine, now shoulder-length, mingled as if asking permission to enter her world again.

I kissed the top of her head while dripping warm water over her shoulders. When she took a long inhale, then slowly released it, I knew the worst was over.

Her voice was raspy with her damaged vocal cords, but her words were angelic and everlasting. “No man will ever be loved more than I love you, Giver.”

Once dried off, under covers, and sleeping, I went to the kitchen to make Justice a tray of anything she may need when she woke up. Elle was there making hot tea. She lifted the cup. “Some of this, with honey. Good for her throat and soul.”

She was no longer in her nightgown. Too many hours had passed, but it was all I could see. Not wanting to mettle, but feeling what I witnessed needed to be acknowledged, I quietly asked, “Is there anything you need?”

It was weak, but Elle smiled. “Giver always giving.”

I respected her silence on the subject, so I asked, “Prez okay?”

She swirled a spoon in her hot tea. “Neither one of them have come to terms with his death.”

“Who’s death?”

“Legend’s.” She said the name in such a way, there was no way of denying the thick history. It was no longer the tea she was seeing when she said, “The founder of Steel Stallions.” Her eyes drifted shut. “Their father.”

Ah, shit.I didn’t move. My mind was trying to put pieces—that I didn’t even know existed—together.

Eventually, Elle grabbed another teacup and filled it with hot water and sunk an herbal pouch in it. While it soaked, she went into one of the big industrial refrigerators and grabbed some food. Making a plate of fruit and cheese wedges, she softly explained, “Legends live on for good reasons, even if the truth has been misconstrued. The two people you and I are in love with struggle with what they want to remember, what they wish they could remember, and what the truth is.” She placed the plate and cup on a tray, then handed it to me. “But don’t we all?”

Standing there and accepting the tray, I felt like she was offering me so much more than food and a beverage. As I walked back to our bedroom, I thought about my past and wondered what I wanted to remember. Answer? Only what didn’t hurt.

What did I wish I could remember? Now that was a loaded one because, in truth, I wish I could’ve remembered events that never happened. Maybe a birthday party when I was young. Maybe a barbeque with a homemade water slide. Jenny, never dying…

Inside our bedroom, tray in hand, I stared at my sleeping Justice. What do you wish you could remember, baby? What memories do you wish you had with… Legend?