Page 60 of Bleed Me

I leaned back as if appalled. “Hell no.”

Lynx lit a cigarette. That was a sign he was getting frustrated again. “You have two words to tell me what I want to know.”

I had no choice but to say, “Saph’s pregnant.”

He rolled his eyes. “Figured that one out, jackass.” He blew smoke into the air above him. “I have ears and eyes everywhere. I know who’s been puttin’ this bunny to use and who hadn’t until last month.”

My heart began to race. As much of an asshole Brat was, I didn’t want to throw him under the bus.

Prez added, “She hadn’t come up pregnant ‘til now. So, that either means you have super sperm that found the one percent chance of this pill’s failure, or someone tampered with the birth control.”

Sapphire’s sweet eyes beheld Brat. “But I take my pill every night. Even if I get drunk—” Her arm dropped from my waist, and her mouth fell open as her mind put together the pieces. Ever so slowly, she looked back to Lynx, then swallowed, valiantly willing to take the fall. “Maybe I made a mistake after all.”

From under his long blond hair, Lynx glared, testing her. When she didn’t cower, his head fell backward. “That fucker.” Since he spoke as if Brat was no longer in the room, I peered to my right, then jolted to notice he was already gone. Tiredly grumbling, Lynx put his cigarette out in the ashtray. “Dagger, if you don’t shoot me the next time I decide to take on a spoiled—”

Kaboom!

It was the second time I had heard a gunshot that day. This one was even more alarming because of the deafening silence afterward. It was gut-wrenching, so unlike Justice’s valiant attempt to save my life. This time, after hearing the gunshot, it was as if I could feel his soul leaving the earth. As my ears listened, I could feel my heart pounding from the inside out. I stood there in shock, realizing I had just tried to make the very same decision only hours earlier.

What would it have done to her?

Swallowing, I dared to look to a motionless Justice, staring into the hallway—at the bedroom door Brat would never again walk out of. She was so pale I wasn’t sure how she was standing.

I’m not sure, but I think I asked, “Babe?” because grey eyes found me and they were full of fear. They told me had I succeeded. It would have torn her heart from her soul. In an attempt at a silent apology, I patted my chest. Her lips parted as she lifted her hand to do the same.

I wanted to hold Justice, swear I would never be that idiot again, but there was no time. Sapphire wailed out in agony as her mind finally registered what had transpired. Little legs flung wildly through the air as I held my arm around her waist, not letting her go to Brat. “Noooo…” she screamed.

She screamed… for so long.

It was surprising how final Brat’s death was, how much the club accepted his decision. They didn’t get too emotional over it. It was almost as if the suicidal act didn’t surprise them; like, they had suspected he wouldn’t last. Maybe that was the reason for his road name. As tough as Brat was, he was still the weakest of us all.

There was history between the Stallions and Brat, and those he originally belonged to. That is why Lynx allowed the police to be involved with his death. Prez said a proper death certificate was needed; otherwise, the club would have disposed of the body as they saw fit. He also mentioned, “Things in plain sight are harder to see.” At the time, I had no idea what he meant.

After investigating the scene, an officer declared Brat’s death a suicide, and his body was removed. Standing in his bedroom doorway, I could hear Sapphire crying in my bed. I needed to go to her, but I was glued to the sight. The blood on the walls and floor… was so familiar. Such a reminder of my life.

I don’t want this for my child.

Sapphire finally cried herself to sleep, and with Justice off to the Stalls for an Officers meeting, I took advantage of a moment alone. Under the spray of scalding water, I stood motionless. In my mind, there was this transparent wall approaching. I somehow recognized its power, how it could relieve me of pain and guilt…

Is that the why of certain things? Is everything truly connected?

Trying to mentally run from Brat’s death—letting the looming wall take me over—I was suddenly aware of how I used to live in that state of mind. It was a pleasant way to be. It gave me the freedom to avoid reality and enjoy meaningless relationships, have sex without feeling. Everything changed when Delilah began to make me feel. Feeling made me dangerous because it hurt. When I hurt, my ‘personalities’ came to the rescue. Especially Dick. He must have seen Delilah as a threat and went after her, manipulating and belittling her. But why? What did Delilah represent that had him so threatened?

The confusing part, beyond being clinically insane, was how Dick felt the opposite for Justice. He spoke with her, even joked around with her. He desired her with no force.

Delilah…

Staring at the light-colored tile in front of me, I ignored Justice when she reached in behind me and adjusted the nozzle. “Trying to burn yourself free of the sins we committed in the water?”

Why does Dick have such a different response between the two women?

“Don’t shut down, James.”

Why is one favored and one viewed as a hazard?

Justice was suddenly there, naked, peering up at me. “Gotta fight through this, Giver.”

Trying to hold that wall at bay, my mouth opened. “I called Brat a pussy.”