Page 48 of Bleed Me

CHAPTER ELEVEN

One month later

Discovering memories, for me, was like traveling the world—country to country—across seas and oceans, with no map or boat. All I could do was put one foot in front of the other and hope each step led me right. Many situations and conversations were foreign to me. Besides the Wards, I had no real communication with family or adults beyond receiving instructions from teachers.

The men and women, the people who paid to have sex with me and my little sister? They never conversed with us. They only ‘told’ us things. They expressed how much our bodies excited them, and how our bodies were so worth every penny spent. Even as we cried, they never had a conversation with us, asking if we were okay or even if we wanted to be in their homes. No. They only ‘told’ us we were behaving, being so good—in more ways than one—and that it was almost over. But it never was. Even after being driven or flown home, our bodies and souls ached.

And that was how the years passed.

The money we earned the family could have had us in a lavish home, with expensive cars, but we remained in a shack because drugs and gambling stole it all. I say stole because that is exactly what addictions do. Steal. Except, it is not only the addicted who get robbed.

Standing in the hallway, next to the club kitchen’s swinging doors, I softly banged the back of my head against the wall as Sapphire vomited in the trashcan while wondering what was wrong with her. Her gentle voice… “I don’t get it. I have no fever. Nothing.”

Brat had begged Justice to not involve the club. He begged for us to let everything go back to normal until we were sure there was even a pregnancy to worry about. Not wanting anything to interfere with me getting patched is why she agreed. I shouldn’t have let her do it. I shouldn’t have let her go against everything she stood for. Stallions were her foundation, her strength. Deceit was the opposite of the loyalty she always offered them.

Now Sapphire was with child. Even though we never had sex again, my gut told me whose. My shitty luck wouldn’t let it be Brat’s. Complicated was my motherfucking middle name.

No bunnies, preparing our next meal, said a word. Justice’s voice was the only one heard. “Baby girl, do you think you could be pregnant?”

Saph’s little gasp echoed, punching my heart. “What? No. I’m on the pill. I swear I haven’t screwed it up. Please, Justice—”

“Hey, I believe you. You’re okay. Breathe. Besides, you could just have caught a bug.”

Feeling like I was about to turn fifty, not the eighteen-year-old I was, I watched as one of the doors swung open. When Justice saw me, her eyes showed pain, but then she lifted her chin and came to me. Her palm and long fingers rested on my chest as she peered up to me.

We were alone in the hallway, but I kept my voice low. “If it’s mine, I can’t let another man raise my kid. I can’t.”

She stayed quiet, too. “I know. But, Giver, you can’t claim her.”

Just the thought of officially claiming Saph to the club and being with someone I didn’t want, not like I wanted Justice, made my stomach turn. But, what choice did I have? Every boyfriend my mother had, had beat me! Abused me! That was never going to happen to my own. Never. So, I spewed, “Why the hell not?” Whether or not Sapphire even wanted me was no longer the issue. The kid was. As cold as it sounded, Saph was a damaged girl, a bunny. I knew she would accept my offer; to claim, protect, and provide for her and our baby.

“Because…” Justice’s eyes were so full of concern. Whatever she was trying to decide to say, she was really struggling. She shook her head, changing her mind. “Will you take me for a ride?”

That was the last thing I expected. “You never ride bitch.” The only man she ever would ride with was her brother. That’s it. She’d rather be stuck on the side of the road than have a man lead her anywhere.

After a silence that lasted eons, she asked again, “Will you take me for a ride?”

This was making no sense. “Why?”

“Because…” She nibbled on nervous lips. “I am asking you to choose me.”

My head tilted as my heart roared. It wanted her. I think I had before I ever met her. I was just too much of a pussy to act on it. The suddenly trapped feeling was making me angry. “You know what I want,” I tapped her hand still on my chest, “right here,” then thumbed the kitchen, “but I got a fucking major thing happenin’, Justice.”

Her other finger rested on my lips to calm me. “I’m very aware of the mess we’re in. I’m also aware of how it can get much worse. That’s why you must do right by her…” Her stare intensified. “Kenny.”

Time went still…

In that earthshattering silence, Justice’s loose strands of hair fluttered, as my long exhale brushed across her face. She knows… All I tried to protect her from, hide from her, was over. I had nothing left to lose but her.

“How much do you know?” Does she know what I did to Delilah?

Her exhale was trembling. “All of it.”

My teeth jammed together. “Then why do you want to go for a ride with me?” I’m a piece of shit, Goddamnit.

“Because… even after all that I’ve learned, tragic and not, I’ve realized…” she swallowed, then stared so deep into my eyes, “I will never stop loving you. All of you.”

Whoever came up with her road name, Justice, knew this woman well. When I had looked up the definition of the word, I learned that it meant administering impartial judgment, rewarding or punishing based on being just or fair, and conforming to truth or fact.