Page 36 of Winterset

“I do not wish to fight with you,” Anna replied carefully. She did not think it was possible for her to forget her past with Reed. Nor was she sure that she could be around him with any degree of equanimity. But she could scarcely explain to him that his presence made everything inside her start to tingle. “I would hope that we can be civil.”

“Good. I am glad to hear you say that.” They had by this time reached the carriage, and Reed extended his hand to help Anna up into it. He smiled up at his sister and Anna. “Now, if you ladies would allow me, I should be happy to escort you home.”

Reed was, Anna admitted, the perfect picture of the casual acquaintance as he rode beside them to her house. He talked to her and Kyria equally, his manner friendly but somewhat distant when he spoke to her. And she found it frankly irritating. She could not help but wonder how he found it so easy to act as if they had only recently met, as if nothing had ever passed between them, when she found herself tongue-tied and awkward. It was enough to make her wonder if only she had felt the surge of passion when they kissed the other night. Perhaps it was nothing but her own lack of experience that had made the moment seem so important, while Reed—more experienced—had merely found it a bit of passing pleasure.

The idea left her feeling perversely disgruntled when she arrived home. It was for that reason, perhaps, that her voice was sharper than she intended when she ran into her brother on the way up the stairs and he told her that he had just come back from riding.

“You went riding with Miss Farrington?” she asked.

Kit glanced at her, his eyebrow lifting. “Yes. Why?”

Anna sighed. “Kit…you paid a call on her yesterday, then there was the party, and now you go riding?”

His jaw tightened. “Yes. What of it? Are you keeping an account of my coming and goings?”

“No, of course not. But it scarcely seems wise—”

“Wise? No, perhaps it is not wise. I am not sure that I can be eternally wise. Mayhap you can always put your head above your heart, but I cannot!”

“Kit! Are you saying—are your feelings engaged?” Anna’s hand went unconsciously to her stomach, where a feeling of dread was coiling. “Are you coming to care her?”

He glanced around. “This is scarcely the time or place to discuss this.”

He started down the stairs, and Anna turned and followed him. In the hall below, she took his arm and steered him into the drawing room, closing the door behind them.

“All right,” she said, facing him. “Let us discuss it now. Are you…falling in love with Miss Farrington?”

“No. Perhaps. I do not know,” Kit said, flinging up his arms. “I like her. I like being around her. Is it so much to ask to spend some time with an attractive woman?”

“No, of course it is not too much.” Anna’s heart went out to her brother, and she took a step toward him, her face filled with sympathy. “It is exactly what you should have.”

“Yet it is exactly what I cannot have,” Kit snapped, and whirled away. “Don’t you think I know that it is impossible?”

“Oh, Kit…” Anna felt tears start in her eyes. “I am sorry. I should not have questioned you. I don’t mean to be overbearing. I am not your watchdog. It is just—I hate to see you get your heart broken,” she finished, her voice dropping almost to a whisper.

“Like yours was?” Kit asked, turning back to her.

Anna froze. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Come now, Anna. I am not a fool. It is pointless to try to pretend with me. I have known you for twenty-four years, you know. I may not have been here when it happened, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t figured it out. I saw the two of you dancing together the other night, and I also saw how you avoided him the rest of the evening.”

Anna could think of nothing to say. She sat down on a chair, suddenly weary.

“Don’t you ever just want to forget it all?” Kit asked, his voice filled with emotion. “Don’t you want to say, ‘The devil with my duty’ and just grab for your own happiness? God knows, I do.”

“We cannot,” Anna said. “You know we cannot.”

“No, I don’t know!” Kit flashed back. “I don’t want to live this way forever. Do you? Are you satisfied with half a life?”

“Of course not!” Anna retorted. “Of course I want more. That doesn’t mean that I can have it.”

“But you can!”

“Yes, if I ignore what is right! If I think only of myself!” Anna jumped to her feet, facing her brother. “I know that is not your way any more than it is mine.”

“But what is life worth if one can never know love and happiness?” Kit shot back. “What is the point?”

“There are also honor and duty!” Anna exclaimed. “There is the satisfaction of doing what one knows is right.”