Page 2 of The Reluctant Viking

Bruised pride stiffened her neck, but embarrassment soon turned to annoyance. She met Jack’s eyes defiantly. “Movie-star looks would be nice but aren’t the most important thing. Besides, I have to be realistic, I guess. I’m no raving beauty, and, at my age, men look at younger women.”

“Oh, Rube, that’s not true. You could get any man you wanted.” Tenderly, his appreciative eyes traveled over her all-too-familiar body.

Any man except the one she needed, Ruby thought, but, instead of speaking her mind, she swallowed with difficulty and gently upbraided him, “Jack, take off the rose-colored glasses and be honest. Thirty-eight-year-old men don’t look at thirty-eight-year-old women.”

“They do when the women look like you.” Jack studied her a moment, then went on, “You still haven’t answered my question. What are you looking for in a man? It obviously isn’t me.”

Pain, stark and intense, formed a huge knot in Ruby’s throat, and Jack asked her silly questions. Still, she continued with her pointless description of an ideal mate. “He should be intelligent. Yes, intelligence is essential. And successful…oh, not moneywise success, just good at whatever he does…”

Her voice trailed away and her bravado failed for a second. When she regained her composure, she steeled herself to go on. “Actually, none of those things matter at all. I’d just want a man who loves me. You know, the way you used…” Ruby’s voice cracked and she couldn’t continue.

Jack tried to touch her shoulder but Ruby shrugged his hand away angrily. “Don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t want your pity. Just go if you’re going. You’re right. We can’t keep postponing the inevitable. Go!”

After a few seconds, she heard Jack moving toward the door. “I’m staying at the lake house until I can find an apartment,” he said in an oddly rasping voice. “I’ll call the boys tonight.”

Ruby forgot her pride then in the face of this final, wrenching end to a twenty-year marriage. Lord, how many times had she sworn she wouldn’t ask the stupid question, the one most women invariably ask at some point in their lives?

“Don’t you love me anymore?”

Jack froze in the doorway and then turned woodenly.

Ruby’s heart lurched. This handsome man could still make her pulse do flip flops with just a glance—even after twenty years of marriage and despite the light sprinkling of gray in his dark blond hair. The past year of stress had etched cruel lines in the chiseled planes of his mature face, but years of disciplined jogging and racquetball had kept his six-foot-three body lean and well-conditioned. He’d have no trouble at all attracting a woman. Ruby closed her eyes for a moment at that painful thought before searching his face once again.

Where were the sense of humor and seductive sensuality that had knocked her for a loop in high school and lured her enticingly into a young marriage in which she had willingly, joyfully stayed home during those early years to bear his children? How had they let things deteriorate so far?

The long silence in answer to Ruby’s question told her volumes before Jack sighed, then finally responded hoarsely, “I don’t know. I just don’t know how I feel anymore. I’m not sure it matters.”

His words sliced through Ruby’s heart.

“We just need time—”

“No! What we don’t need is more time to drag this out. I’ve asked you repeatedly to cut back on hours at your lingerie company so we can work on our marriage. You’ve refused.”

“I haven’t refused. I just couldn’t do it right away. Sweet Nothings has stockpiled so many orders. I would have to hire someone to take over some of my responsibilities. By next month, two months at the latest, then I might be able…”

Jack looked at her incredulously and threw his arms out in resignation. “I give up! I’ve been hearing this same story for months. Call me when you can work me in.”

For a few long seconds, Jack hesitated—almost regretfully. Time stood still for them both, freezing them in a tableau of cloudy nostalgia. Jack’s heartrending expression bathed her in a gentle caress, giving her hope.

But then he turned and left.

Ruby stared at the closed door through a mist of tears. Why couldn’t Jack understand how hard she’d worked to build up her custom lingerie company, how hard it was to let go—even a little? She loved Jack. She did. Why couldn’t she have both him and her career?

A hot tear trickled down her cheek. Regret squeezed her heart as she thought of Jack and all she’d lost. Memories seared her mind. Finally, she yielded to the racking sobs that shook her, rocking back and forth.

Ruby cried for a long time until tides of hollow weariness engulfed her. Then she sank down in a well-worn recliner—Jack’s favorite chair since his college days—and let her gaze scan the room. She reached for her fifteen-year-old son’s Walkman, needing something to fill the silence. Unable to cope right now with the overwhelming sense of loss, Ruby absently inserted the tape Jack had been listening to, adjusted the headset and leaned back wearily. Maybe one of the motivational tapes would inspire her with some miraculous message on how to get her marriage back in order.

Lord, what a mess I’ve made of my life!

Ruby shifted her blue-jean-clad bottom into a more comfortable position as her eyes scanned the tapes on the bookshelves of the study. She wasn’t opposed to motivational tapes, but Jack had become obessed with them during the real estate slump.

The worst of them, and the funniest, had been the coyote tapes. How many mornings had he awakened her and the two boys with a coyote howl, declaring that every day should start on a positive note? She forgot the significance of the coyote—something to do with coyotes being able to survive in the wilderness and businessmen being able to do likewise in the coming bad times, or some such thing.

What she did remember was the boys hiding their heads under their pillows at the sound of the howl, and refusing to ride in a car with their dad because he forced them to listen to his tapes rather than their favorite rock group. Despite her sadness, Ruby grinned.

That seemed so long ago. Eons!

She looked back to the shelves. Hundreds of the blasted cassettes lined the shelves, not to mention video tapes, books and plaques—everything from the old standby The Power of Positive Thinking to You Can Do Anything!