Page 36 of Drilled

I kicked the heavy front door open with the toe of my boot. A sharp rattle of loose brass hardware announced my entrance as I walked inside. I was soaked through, the cold Chicago rain mixing with the hot, sour sweat on the back of my neck.

I’d barely made it three steps before Bear’s grating voice cut through the dust from the living room. “You’re forty minutes late.” He didn’t even look up from his clipboard, but his shoulders were rigid. “We’re losing daylight on the master bath rough-in wiring and you’re taking your precious time showing up.”

I dropped my tool bag down and pulled out my wire cutters. “I don’t need a whole day to wire a simple junction box.”

Sy, who I hadn’t seen when I first came in, stopped checking a random doorframe for plumb with a spirit level. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing,” I said, maybe too snappy to really sell it. “We’re running behind, right? Let’s get to work.”

I made my way down to the master bathroom and didn’t bother checking to see how the other two reacted. But I was glad to hear they didn’t bother saying anything else.

For the next hour or two, I threw myself into my work. My mother’s voice was still echoing in my ears, her grip still viselike on my arm. My chest felt tight and hot and if I didn’t hyperfocus on whatever the hell I was doing, I was scared I was going to lose it.

At one point, Lane peeked her head into the bathroom, doing her regular rounds whenever she was home nowadays and asked if any of us wanted something from the kitchen. I could feel her staring at me from the corner of my vision and I deliberately made sure to increase the volume of my tool-use, trying to drown out even her because God knows that woman was the last thing I needed right now.

I didn’t need the hard gaze that made me feel like I was standing under a spotlight. I didn’t need the temptation to buckle.

When Bear called Silas and I over to help him set up Lane’s ridiculously massive solid oak framed mirror, I knew I was in for it. I’d tried to deliberately avoid group tasks but because Lane insisted on getting this fuck-ass two-hundred pound relic, I was forced to deal with everyone else head on.

I knew I wasn’t myself. I knew it even before I took up my place on the bottom pivot step because all I could still hear was that accusation.

You walked away from this family, Dax.

My grip slacked on the dust-slicked wood. Sy cussed and Bear rattled out some warning that sounded like it was coming from above a body of water I was plunged into.

If he goes under, it’ll be your hands holding him down.

The mirror slipped out of my palms and crashed violently against the radiator baseboard. The leaded glass shattered across the floor, the sound of the crash drawing Lane from her room.

“Stand back,” Silas warned, holding an arm out while he tried to step around the mess. “We’ll get this cleaned up soon. Sorry about the mirror, Lane.”

She said something about it being okay, and how she didn’t care about the mirror as long as no one got hurt. But that didn’t matter because Bear clearly thought it did. He stepped right over the glass, shoving me back so hard that I slammed into the wall.

“What the hell was that, Miller!” he yelled. He looked angrier than I think I ever saw him since I’d known him. The tension in the room sharpened. I slowly peeled myself back off the wall and shook my arms loose.

“That was a lucky shot you got there, Wade. Try it again on even footing and see where it takes you,” I said, keeping my voice low.

Bear’s jaw ticked and he took a step forward. He was stockier than I was, still built from his years in the military. But I had two inches of height on him, explosive shoulders and years spent fighting to live. And if it was a fight he wanted, it was a fight he was going to get.

“Guys, stop!” Lane yelled. “What’s wrong with both of you!”

“Come on, break it up,” Sy said, stepping his massive frame between us. I didn’t wait for him to defuse the situation. My heart was hammering, a toxic hit of adrenaline lighting up every muscle. My body was itching for a collision. It wanted the one thing I actually knew how to do.

Making huge, stupid mistakes.

“If he would stop screwing up, there’d be nothing to break up,” Bear growled.

I planted my palms into Bear's chest and shoved him back. When he lunged, I rolled my shoulder, letting his momentum carry him past me before I slammed my weight into his flank.

“Why don’t you just say what this is all really about, huh? We both know you’re not bitching out over dropping a mirror or me coming in late,” I taunted.

Bear was facing me again, and I recognized the look he was giving me because it was the same sort of calculated assessment I was giving him. He was weighing me up, looking to see if I would actually follow through. Working out the odds.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he said darkly.

“You know exactly what it means,” I barked, a bitter, breathless laugh slipping out. “This isn’t about the timeline or the mirror. You play the high-and-mighty boy scout because you think it makes you better than me. But I’m not the only one that messed up, am I?”

His eyes flashed as my words sunk in. I’d hit the mark. We both knew that he wanted her just as much as I did.