Page 28 of Whip’s Wisdom

I follow behind Knox as he gets towards the NICU.

“So you've got to wash your hands and put on a gown. Then we can go in and see our babies. Maybe take a bunch of pictures and videos so you can show Peyton. I already sent her a few, that’s why I want you to go sit with her.”

“Why wouldn’t you just let me sit with the babies while you go and sit with Pey?”

“Because she wants me here with them and I think having you will be good for this family. Having you there will be good for her.”

I nod my head and we walk towards three little incubators and three tiny little lives that are going to change mine forever.

Chapter Seventeen

Peyton

I was staring at the ceiling with tears running down my cheeks when I heard the door open. I didn’t even make a move to look and see who it was. I’m sure Knox decided that he didn’t want me to be alone with everything that was going on. I just hope he sent someone else instead of leaving the babies. I was a big girl and could handle myself, those babies were brand new and they needed someone there for them. I just wanted to be able to see them, but I knew I still had a while before they would let me out of my bed because I needed to recover. I hate every part of it.

I finally look up when I hear the footsteps get closer to the bed and I see Cooper standing there with tears in his eyes.

“Hey baby. How are you holding up?”

As he gets the words out a sob rips out of me and I start to cry. He immediately comes over and climbs on the side of the bed bringing me into his arms. My head goes to his chest and he brings his hand up to my hair just to comfort me.

“Shhhhh, baby, it’s okay. Everything is okay. It’s going to be okay. We are all going to get through this and those beautiful babies, you did so good, baby. So, so fucking good.They are so beautiful, they are so beautiful. The doctors in the NICU said 22 days and they should be good to go. They are going to be fine, baby. I promise.”

I am crying into his chest and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone.

“Look, you want to see your beautiful babies until these nurses come in here and let you go see them?”

I nod my head and pick it up and look at the photos he has on his phone. The babies are so small, but they are so beautiful. He took some videos and you can see the little babies breathing and see them moving a little. I just want to go in there and hold their hands. I grab his hand after I look through everything he had on his phone.

“Thank you, thank you for showing me these.”

“How are you feeling, other than sad because you can’t see the babies. We will talk to a nurse, maybe we can get a wheel chair and bring you to the NICU sooner than you being able to get out of bed. But are you doing okay? Feeling alright?”

I sigh, “Well, I’ve got so many feelings right now. I’m not in any pain because that spinal block is still affecting everything. I just have more discomfort. Plus they’ve already started me on the pain medication. I just want to get out of this bed and see my babies.”

I looked at him while he rubs my shoulder in a comforting manner. I know that I have been a bitch to this man and I see that he is trying. Everything is just such a mess and really we need to talk to work through everything. I know that there is a lot he needs to tell me and a lot of things that need to be said. Right now I cannot keep fighting this because I am weak and have so much to worry about. I know that I still am angry with him and don’t fully trust him with my heart, but I know that I need to accept that he is trying to show me a different side of him than I have ever seen before.

“Thank you for being here for me. I know that you wanted to be here for all of it. I know you’re trying. There is just a lot of hurt and things that we need to work through. I’m hoping that eventually we can get through everything. I would like to have that relationship with both you and Knox. But I need to learn to trust you again and that you aren’t going to push me away every time things get hard. I want to know that I can trust you with all the pieces of me and you will not destroy them.”

He moves his arm and moves hair behind my ear, “I’m going to do whatever it takes to make you feel safe in my arms again, Peyton. I am going to do whatever it is I need to do to prove to you that you are safe and your heart is safe with me. No matter how long it takes.”

I nod my head and grab his phone back just to continue to look at the pictures of my beautiful babies. We even video chat with Knox so that we can see them and I can talk to them. As beautiful as it was it was still not enough and I wanted out of this bed and to see my babies. Finally Cooper convinced the nurses to give me a wheelchair so that he could bring me down to see the babies in the NICU.

Going through those doors and seeing all those babies in their tiny little incubators was something else. It was a new experience and an experience I never expected to happen to me. Yes, I knew with multiples there was a high likelihood we would be here. That the babies would be born too early and they would need to spend time in the NICU because either lungs wouldn’t be developed enough and there could possibly be other complications. As far as I knew they just needed a little extra time to prepare for the world. Which I was grateful for, I was grateful that they were going to be getting this extra time to develop and live. I was also scared though, I knew how things went. This world we live in is hard and it is cruel sometimes.

We finally got over to the three babies. Knox is sitting in the middle of two of them and sees me being wheeled in and smiles.

“Hey baby. You want to come meet our babies?”

I nod my head with tears in my eyes. Knox comes and grabs the wheelchair from Cooper and wheels me over to the first baby. I notice that Cooper goes over and sits next to the one on the end. You can see him talking to them and he places his hand in the incubator with the baby gripping his finger.

“This is our sweet boy, Ronan.” He wheels me up next to one of the babies. They may not be dressed in anything, but a diaper, but it looks like someone brought them their Untamed gear. Ronan is in a cute little red Untamed Rebels hat.

“You’ve already got them wearing the patch, huh?”

He smiles down at me, “Well yea, my boys are all decked out in their Untamed Chaos gear. Gonna wear those patches with pride. They know they have an amazing family that loves and supports them from both Untamed and Devil’s Chaos.”

He nods his head and sitting next to the incubator as if it is looking in is a tiny little teddy bear with a tiny little cut that has the Devil’s Chaos insignia and I can’t help but laugh.