Page 89 of A Sweet Destruction

After that, we slipped into territory that I didn’t think either of us were prepared for. Both too engrossed in what we were both reading and lulled into submission by the Bond’s pleasant humming from our closeness, neither of us could consider what was too far.

I barely noticed when Esme turned into my side, resting her book on my stomach. She didn’t when my hand started making absent-minded passes over her arm.

Neither of us paid any mind when Esme closed her book with one hand, really just letting it fall closed on my stomach, then curled deeper into my side with a long exhale as she settled into sleep.

It wasn’t until later, when I’d been watching the soft rise and fall of her chest, that I came back to myself enough to whisper, “Thank you,” against the crown of her head, and fell asleep in the comfort that she’d bought me enough time to come to my senses.

Chapter 20

Esme

“Well, good morning, you two,” Soren said, face full of a manic glee that could only come from teasing a younger sibling, as Ford and I approached the breakfast table. That smirk was promptly wiped off his face with a light smack on the back of his head from Bellamy.

“You seem sprightly,” I said evenly, even though my heart still felt like it was trying to punch its way out of my chest. Soren’s solemn demeanor from yesterday had vanished, but then again, I’d never known him as someone who was able to stay serious for any length of time.

“Well, what can I say?” Soren replied, still lightly teasing, but less than the what were you doing in that room all alone for so long? tone he was sporting at first. “I’m excited for the day ahead. But first, I need to eat.”

Good, a distraction. One I desperately needed.

I remembered everything. Every sweep of Ford’s hand over my leg, every murmured praise, every spark of static when his lips hovered over the crown of my head, never quite touching.

And yet, it registered as nothing more than a dreamy haze of contentment, one that made waking up this morning feel like a brutal change of pace.

For a precious moment, right when my eyes opened and I was still enveloped in the warmth of sleep, that glow remained.

Then it all came crashing back down in cold droplets of reality.

The worst of it had been the fact that Ford hadn’t touched me once since we got out of bed that morning. I knew he was waiting for me to ask, to reach out to him, but there was a part of me that still just wanted him to fall victim to the Bond.

Go as crazy as I did.

And still just…wanted. Maybe with even more force than the first go around.

Every repressed desire was pushing its way to the surface, trying to crawl its way through the tiny opening I’d given it, too many fighting for the light at one time.

Just tell him something, the Bond groaned. I’m dying over here.

I didn’t even know how to verbalize it without sounding insane. Could you please show me affection? Oh, what kind? Maybe we could hug? We’ve never done it.

The way he’d held me yesterday may have counted as a hug, but that was more an embrace. Especially because it started off as necessary to prevent a panic attack.

“I don’t know how you’re happy about this,” Bellamy said, shaking her head at Soren. “We have to hang out with Caspian and Elijah again, while they get to have all the fun.” She punctuated her words with a sweeping hand in our direction.

Freya pointed at herself with such comical emphasis I had to hide a laugh under the rim of my coffee cup. My eyes drifted to the side to find Ford doing the same, his eyes crinkling rather adorably at the corners.

God and the Goddess, help me, I prayed silently. This sappy shit was new, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.

When Ford caught me staring a beat too long and his eyes narrowed in challenge, a spark of heat tightened my stomach with such force I almost doubled over at the table.

Well, alright, not entirely sappy.

I couldn’t tell which was worse.

“Yes, you,” Bellamy said to Freya with a smile. “Actually, especially you. You get to play happy explorer.”

The second after she said it and Freya’s expression grew even more aghast, the entire table erupted in quiet laughter. Freya was chatty and lively with those she trusted, but with new people, I knew it took a lot of effort for her to open up.

“Oh, come on. Soren gets to play Royal,” Ford said, his voice still thick with a morning rumble. “That’s his favorite.”