Page 61 of A Sweet Destruction

“Uh…I—yes, I do,” I managed, like I couldn’t feel that red and black fabric burning into my leg like it was made of molten fire.

Ford nodded, a few dips of his chin, before taking two solid strides toward Shadow and jumping into the saddle in a way that made my cheeks feel hot again.

My mind felt hazy, the exact situation I was trying to avoid as we gathered up our group. Bellamy and Soren, Freya and Arthur.

If you knew how to look for it, the differences between them were stark. Not just the difference between paranimas—a one hundred percent match—and paraspets—a measly seventy percent. I’d seen some parasepts who were so close, so in sync, they were indistinguishable from the more compatible Matches.

No, you could tell there wasn’t an ounce of connection between Freya and Arthur. Arthur’s truest connection lied with his twin, forced to live a world apart in service of the Empire and Freya’s secret.

I knew it weighed on her, which probably made their dynamic worse. Arthur and his twin Adam were Freya’s seventh Match. Seven different twins who were ripped apart to hide the fact that Freya could Cross on her own.

The one grace was that they kept her Matches short, somewhere around two years. Enough that their chances of dying decreased. Oh, they would be sick—you couldn’t Cross on your own without your body nearly crumbling from the pressure of it—but as far as any of us knew, her past Matches were now living a comfortable, Empire-funded existence.

Arthur was one of my favorites, and though you could tell he mourned his twin, he was capable. Strong, smart, a good actor—it was the reason he was even allowed to join us.

I didn’t even feel the clench of fear that always gripped my lower stomach whenever we went out on a mission, my focus pulled internally. Peter was watching me, I could tell, coming with us until we were formally passed off to our Muli escorts.

God, I had to get it together. The ride over the hill was a little under an hour.

And I could. I needed to. I’d done it for three years and I could do it now, damnit.

I tapped on Sky’s side lightly, letting him know that he should stay on guard for a second. He released a heavy breath in response, giving me the go ahead. He would be getting many, many a treat later.

Pulling the brim of my hat down to hide my eyes, I let them flutter closed and took several deep breaths, retreating into my mind.

Hello, I said softly, a beckoning word just for the Bond.

I visualized it unfurling itself like a cat awaking from a slumber and cracking a curious eye open at me. I approached slowly, keeping my hands raised as I walked towards it, resting against the wall that existed at the back of my mind.

Slowly, the Bond, still in that cat-like form, got to its feet and stretched out. It was still scared, moving towards me like an animal that had learned to expect pain rather than comfort.

It’s okay, I said. You can go.

It didn’t believe me, still looking at me skeptically. With another deep breath, I inched past it and took its place against that wall, sitting down in the back of my mind and crossing my legs.

Surrendering. Letting the Bond step to the forefront for a moment, letting it draw strength so I could do the same.

I sat back and watched as it carefully crawled to the front of my consciousness, poking around to take stock of its—our—surroundings. I knew the moment it realized how quiet it was, how much unrestricted access it had to Ford.

The Bond flopped onto its back, exposing its soft underbelly and relaxing into the caress of Ford’s breathing and his scent and his nearness.

A soft whine clanked through my mind like the bells caged at the top of a temple. The Bond had been near death, but now I could see it growing, gaining strength again.

Its fur got shinier, its purrs more intense. Meanwhile, a tear slipped out of my right eye.

Even my body knew to let it fall on the side away from Ford.

Too few minutes passed until Sky let out another long breath, signaling that it was time for me to step back into myself. I moved slowly, careful not to spook the Bond as I approached.

With a mournful whimper, it got up and retreated, well-trained to know when it was time. When we moved to switch places, I reached out to stroke it, forcing myself to thank it.

Then it was back to where it rested, curling up for its sleep as I regained control of myself and opened my eyes right as we broke through the tree line, finding a group of Muli soldiers breaking through the morning fog.

I straightened a little on my saddle, feeling the heavy weight of attention on me already. Odd, considering we were still a couple hundred yards away, until I realized it was Ford who was looking.

“What?” I whispered.

“I’d like you to show me what you just did,” he said, his voice hoarse. My eyebrows flew together in shock. I couldn’t have been that obvious, it would have just looked like I was meditating. “I felt you. The Bond. It got stronger.”