Page 54 of A Sweet Destruction

That was but one of the thoughts that had plagued my mind overnight. They weren’t for naught, though. They strengthened my resolve.

Esme had done this for three years. Alone. I was already at an advantage, having the benefit of honesty between us, hopefully an open line of communication sometime soon.

I would suffer this, play this game on Esme’s terms. Even if it felt like it was killing me.

It had clearly almost killed her.

Every time that thought crossed my mind, and it was often, the scar cutting down my face burned in response. The Bond was settling into every corner of my being, and I could feel it clawing at those buried memories.

I even hoped it would dig them up, but some things were too far gone.

By the time morning came around and artificial daylight started to bleed under our door, I sat up in bed, running my hands down my face.

A pained whimper broke through the room, nearly severing my heart. I turned slowly, delaying confirmation of what I already knew to be true.

Esme’s eyebrows were scrunched together, her arm outstretched towards me.

Moving entirely on instinct, I placed my hand atop hers, swiping my thumb over the back of her palm. Her face immediately relaxed.

Oh, hell. I’d give her anything she wanted.

I had the power to, for a lot of it. For the other parts, I’d figure it out.

Esme’s serene expression lasted for several rapid beats of my heart, before her entire body coiled up like a snake and she sprang upwards, launching out of sleep.

She’d moved so fast, I didn’t think she realized we’d been touching. Her eyes went wild, locking on mine with a sort of panicked desperation. Looking to me for answers.

“It’s okay,” I said, trying to keep my tone as neutral as possible. I was learning that treating her too gently would send her running. “You didn’t sleep too late.”

She shot up to a seated position, hand flying to her heart then dragging down the side of her face. Her eyes were wide and wild and the most enticing shade of honey brown I’d ever seen. “But I slept.”

The emphasis she put on that last word, full of wonder…I had a new goal, and it was making sure she slept that well or better every single night.

I couldn’t do anything to change the past, but I could sure as shit make sure she didn’t suffer in the future. Her physical needs I could take care of.

YES! Finally, she needs—

It was her emotional needs I had to be careful with, finding a way to balance the two.

Cutting the Bond off before it went off the rails was a start.

I couldn’t blame it though, it was simply preying on the swell of warmth that has flown through my body at the sight of Esme in tousled bed sheets.

I stood and took a few steps away, if not to make sure that if I blacked out and the Bond took over, I’d have more time to wrestle back control before I flattened myself on top of Esme.

“You did,” I said, fighting for dear life to keep satisfaction out of my tone.

Esme’s eyes narrowed, observant. I’d been too focused on how I spoke that I didn’t pay enough attention to how I looked. “Did you sleep?”

"Yes.” If you count alternating between starting at you and swatting away daydreams of you rolling into my side as sleep.

Esme saw right through the lie. She flew out of bed, her expression falling into one that promised her internal monologue was punishing and unfair. “Bad fucking idea,” she muttered under her breath as she tried to sneak by me to the bathroom.

"Woah, woah,” I hedged, launching after her. I’d intended to just stop her, but with how fast she was moving, we ended up twisted towards the wall in a way that made it seem like I was pinning her there.

We both froze, eyes flying together. Esme’s head thumped quietly against the wall behind her and I briefly considered if padding down every hard surface in the room was a feasible plan.

“I’m rested,” I said, choosing words that were inherently true. Though I probably still carried some physical signs of lack of sleep, I didn’t feel all that tired. Hard to, when satisfaction that she’d finally found rest made me feel like I could fight an entire army myself.