Page 119 of A Sweet Destruction

Scratch that, the way she breathed my name would do it. Like a secret, one only she could tell me.

I buried my hand in her hair and tried to quell the burgeoning emotion in my chest. Terror was threatening to push in on all sides, old wounds scaring me into thinking that if Esme was that precious to me, surely she’d be taken away right before I could fully have her.

I had her now. Not just physically with me, but her trust. Hopefully her heart.

That reminder didn’t stop my hands from pressing in tighter, the cant of my hips punching up deeper, pouring everything I had into her.

✦

“I really don’t think I can do this. I don’t think I’m ready.”

“Of course, you are.”

“No, I’m not. I don’t think this is going to go well.”

"Ford, you’re a big boy. You can do it.”

“No,” I said, dipping down to bury my nose in Esme’s neck and earning a shocked little laugh out of her. “You’ve had practice.” The words were muffled against her skin, but she understood me.

Esme’s sigh made my hands pull her in even tighter, the Bond already launching off in a healthy tirade about how it’s really all your fault and I would never have done that to her.

“Just breathe through your nose and promise the Bond that you’ll appease it later.” Her fingers reached up to pinch me in the side, causing me to jerk back with a scowl on my face. Unlucky for her, I caught her off guard enough to lean down and pull her bottom lip between my teeth. It was another minute before Esme finally said, “At least this time it won’t be a lie.”

Rather than fall to my knees in front of her and beg forgiveness for all I’d put her through, I grabbed her hand and waited for her subtle nod. When she gave it, I led her around the corner and to the end of the hallway.

Soren and Bellamy’s door was already unlocked, waiting for us. They’d said thirty minutes. It might have been closer to an hour, but I considered that an accomplishment all things considered. Maybe I hadn’t needed to follow Esme into the shower, but at the time it felt like she was taking my access to oxygen with her when she walked into the bathroom.

The Bond was already growling in the back of my head as we approached, looking for any excuse to be unleashed and rip someone’s throat out for looking at Esme the wrong way. It was like while it was dormant all those years, it was saving up strength for when it inevitably awoke.

Esme seemed calm, which made me feel worse. I hated that she’d had to learn how to hide this so easily. It was a thought I’d had many times over the past several weeks, but it was more obvious now, fresh after—

I had to forcefully redirect my focus. Figures, people I liked, were coming into view and it would not do well to make matters worse.

Especially not when Soren’s smug face materialized first. Then, in an act of self-correction that made me respect Soren tenfold as a friend, his face settled into a more neutral expression. I’d venture to say he remembered how he felt in those days after wholly accepting the Bond. There was something about the physical connection that made things seem very, very raw.

In Soren’s case, he’d also had to suffer through those early days thinking that Bellamy was about to run off and marry the Prince.

Bellamy and Freya matched his blank expression, though it was the latter of the two women who seemed to be having the hardest time restraining the glee in her eyes.

Esme was the first to break the ice. “Sorry we’re late,” she said, offering no further explanation.

“You deserved time,” Bellamy said, her words striking a cord from the events of the day and the eight years prior.

“Thank you,” Esme said, something so genuine in her tone that I felt my heart clench in response.

We moved to sit down at the table our friends were occupying. It seemed they had broken out a game of cards in our absence. I guess they really were waiting around for us to tell them what happened.

“One of you is going to have to remind me what we said right when we came back,” I said as we moved to sit. Esme only grumbled a little bit when I pulled her chair out for her. “I think I blacked out.”

Everyone laughed lightly, but there was still a healthy note of tension present.

“You did not seem well,” Freya said with a note of amusement in her voice. “You gave Elijah quite the fright.”

My expression clearly communicated how unlikely I thought that was.

“I’m serious!” Freya continued. “He looked scared. If that’s what that weird jaw-pulsing expression was. When Bellamy asked him about it, he just muttered Caspian’s name and ran off. He sent a note that they want to speak later.”

I snorted a laugh. “Yeah, I’m sure they do.”