Page 88 of A Cruel Kindness

And boy, did the Bond notice.

I was doing serious mental exercises trying to quiet its voice.

I slipped a little, letting it explode into the forefront of my mind.

WHERE IS HE? it demanded.

When I sighed, and internally responded, I don’t know, that only made it angrier, which made my skin more sensitive, my heart ache harder.

My mother sat next to me, completely silent as she watched my handmaiden’s work with a careful eye. There couldn’t be a hair out of place for my grand return.

“Make sure you spray her hair at the end,” she instructed my handmaiden. “God knows what Muli did to its health.”

In fact, my hair was probably in a better state than it was when I was at court. I took care of myself, but that was because it made me feel calmer, more settled in my own skin. The tight hairstyles I had to wear when I was here would give me such bad headaches, it would disable me for days after.

I hadn’t had a headache since I’d been Matched.

I breathed in, grasping for strength. The Bond didn’t understand that I was already under immense pressure dealing with my parents again. My mother had no filter, deeming criticism to be as normal as passive small talk.

My father was clearly as politically savvy as ever and hadn’t spared me more than two sentences of welcome before he disappeared into a meeting. He instructed me that he needed to meet with me in the morning, to which I’d agreed, so long as it was in private.

I’d deliver the envelope then.

I really wanted Soren there with me, but I knew that wasn’t happening.

When my mother left to go attend to the gala set up, I was able to breathe enough to engage Laura, my handmaiden, in conversation. Her children were doing well, which was a relief.

I did my own makeup, while several rows of clothing were brought in with dresses hanging from the wire racks. I enjoyed clothing and wearing nice, well crafted pieces.

Normally it was a hard time picking between all the wonderful options, but I knew exactly what I wanted to wear tonight. I leafed through the collection until I found what I was looking for.

The only backless dress presented to me, a long black gown with a low cut back and a lightly shimmering fabric. It was arguably rather risque for court, but I didn’t give a damn.

My mother left to get ready herself, thank God, or else there was no way she'd let me wear this.

Laura’s eyes were glued to my back as she helped me change and I could see the questionings burgeoning.

“I don’t like fabric touching it all that much,” I explained softly. “Yes, Soren has the exact same one.”

Laura blinked up guiltily, smiling at me as she zipped the dress. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I was pleased with my appearance, save the pain in my eyes.

I knew that would go away the second I was back with Soren and the Bond was appeased.

It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy my time alone, or that I didn’t think that was important. But Soren was my partner in all of this. I liked him.

And until we gave the Bond what it truly craved, able to actually satiate for some time, I would remain in slight pain while we were apart.

“Ready,” I told Laura, in a hurry to make it out of my rooms. I was feeling far too restless for this.

“Princess, wait!” she called after me when I took a step out the door. I turned to find her holding up my shoes with an expectant look on her face.

Right. I was barefoot.

Can you please be quiet for one second so I don’t embarrass myself in front of the entire court? I begged the Bond silently, sending it sulking to the corner of my mind.

It would get its relief in five minutes, tops. The least it could do was let me put my shoes on.

I stepped into my heels, feeling a small ache tickle the back of my heart. I’d really missed these, even though I was quite attached to my boots waiting for me back on Muli.