Page 108 of Blood Money

If she would still have him. The possibility that she wouldn’t was like a knife through his heart, and he realized then and there that he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He would say or do whatever it took to convince her he loved her and they belonged together.

Make it happen, Yates.

He could do it. Presenting irrefutable evidence and solving the most difficult cases was what he did best. This was the most important case of his life. He’d convinced the toughest prosecutors that he had the goods, now he had to convince Alex.

Gray hated to wake her, but what he had to say couldn’t wait, and he wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. He gently touched his fingers to her soft cheek. When Alex woke with a start, he dropped his hand. Her eyes widened at the sight of him. As expected, her eyes were bloodshot and weary. She glanced at the monitor then hung her head, her disappointment obvious.

“What are you doing here?” She turned to take in the wheelchair. “Are you all right?”

He forced a smile. “I’ll be fine.” He held her hand, expecting her to tug it away. When she didn’t, a tiny ray of hope took hold.

“You still look pale.” She pressed her hand to his forehead. “You should be in bed recovering. I heard you lost a lot of blood.”

“I’ll make more.” He gently pulled her hand from his forehead, holding that hand, too. “I wanted to be here for you.”

“Why?” Her eyes widened in question, as if she truly didn’t know. “You made it clear two weeks ago that you wanted nothing to do with me.”

How could she think differently, numb nut? You abandoned her.

Now don’t fuck up what you came to say.

He took a deep breath and let it out. “I want to help you through this, and I want—no, need—to tell you some things. You, Cassie, Dom…you were all right and then some. Where trust is concerned, I can be unbendable to a fault. Never taking a risk, never doing anything wild and crazy. I needed to let go of my past.”

Alex gazed at him from tired eyes. “I’m happy you’re having this revelation, but I don’t really see what that has to do with me.” She tried to tug her hands from his, but he wouldn’t let her.

“It has everything to do with you.” He gave her hands a quick squeeze then released them. “You were right hiding Nicky from your husband, and you were right for not saying anything about being married. Everything you feared came to pass. It was dishonest, but I understand now why you did it and why you thought you could do it alone. You’ve been taking care of yourself and Nicky without any help for a very long time. More than anyone, I should know how hard it is to change habits and perceptions that have become so ingrained.”

“I guess you’re right.” She gave him a weak smile, then glanced again at the monitor and reached out to stroke Nicky’s hand. “We both made mistakes, and hopefully we can learn from them and move on. As soon as Nicky is well…” She shut her eyes, and Gray knew what she was thinking. If Nicky gets well. “After Nicky is well enough to travel, we’ll be moving on.”

No. Gray clenched his jaw, more determined than ever. I will not let you walk out of my life.

“I should thank you again for risking your life to get Nicky here.” Alex pasted on a forced smile. “I’m sorry you were hurt doing it. You should have let someone else take care of it.”

“Are you kidding?” He couldn’t hold back an incredulous laugh, then realized her response was dead-on accurate. After the hurtful things he’d said to her, how could she have expected him to lay his life on the line for her son? “I couldn’t trust anyone else to get Nicky here.”

“You were shot.” Alex rested her hand on his. “You should have let Shanahan or Grimaldi transport Nicky. You should have stayed in the other hospital and gotten treatment for your gunshot wound.”

“You still don’t get it.” He raised her hand to his mouth, dropping light kisses on her fingers. “What I did today was all about you. For fifteen years, I haven’t been willing or able to risk my heart for anyone. At this point, it’s not a risk at all. I’ve already lost my heart. It’s yours. It’s been yours.”

Alex’s tired blue eyes widened. She opened her mouth to speak, but Gray was afraid if he didn’t keep going and lay out all the evidence he needed to convince her, he’d never get another chance.

“I blew it with you. If I’d only told you how I felt sooner…that I love you…”

Ah hell. He hadn’t meant to blurt that out just now, not when Alex had more important things to worry about. Like whether Nicky would make it through the night.

Over their clasped hands, their gazes met. Alex’s red-tinged eyes never looked more beautiful to him.

“How can you forgive me?” Her voice and lips trembled. “I’ve lied to you so many times.”

“That you did.” He smiled, stroking her hands with his thumbs. “But I should have believed that you would never use me. That’s not who you are. It shouldn’t have taken Nicky getting kidnapped to make me realize it, and for that I’m sorry.”

“That must have been a big step for you.” Alex’s lips lifted slightly, and his heart softened. “What you did was very human. Trusting someone even though you might get hurt.”

“Yeah, it was,” he admitted with a grin. “You’re probably the only person I’ve ever done that for in my entire life.” Too late to stop now, he was on a full-fledged roll. “All I’m asking for is another chance with you and Nicky. I don’t know where this will take us. I only know how much in love with you I am. I think I loved you the first moment I saw you.”

A single tear rolled down Alex’s face. She laid her hand on his cheek. “I love you, too.”

He sucked down the lump in his throat and gently drew her face to his, kissing her gently, quietly. She kissed him back then clung to his shoulders. He drew her against him, ignoring the raw pain in his shoulder. What she needed right now more than anything was someone to be there for her. Professing their love for each other meant nothing if Nicky died, and they both knew it.