Page 42 of One Vow

He didn’t answer and that said it all. I picked up the pen and signed.

One Decade Ago

Pro Tip: when embroiled in the biggest scandal experienced by a century-old college, stay away from social media, newspapers, blog posts, and anywhere else comments are welcome and can be left by users.

It wasn’t really rocket science but it did speak to my desperate need to know what people were saying. The temptation to look. Just a quick glance would forever be the biggest lie I told myself.

But I fell so far down that hole there was no climbing back out.

Anonymous wrote, “You can’t tell me this bitch didn’t know she was starring on candid camera. Finn was bumping his numbers otherwise he would’ve never stopped dating Beth C.”

And PokerPal added, “Yeah. If ever there was a step-down, he took it. And the climber could use a couple hours a week at the gym.” Commentary on my freshman fifteen, the average amount of pounds gained by college freshman that I’d never bothered to lose.

In a matter of just a few keystrokes, I’d become an unattractive, fat, social climber who knew about the cameras. They commented on everything from the size of my ass to my blow job technique and the sounds I made when I was “going for a ride” versus what I sounded like when Finn was taking me to “pound town.” Snippets of my video became GIFs. Boob-shots and sex faces became memes.

By the time Finn came home from wherever the hell he’d gone, my blood was boiling, my heart was broken, and my self-esteem was a fond memory I once had. I’d cried off any makeup I’d thought to put on this morning, and still, I couldn’t turn away.

He glanced at me once, took a step then backtracked for another look. “What’s wrong?”

His concern would’ve been comical, the way his face fell, and his eyes went wide, like the bottom half of him melted while the top performed its own volcanic eruption, but this was my life. “What happened? Did somebody die?”

If that wasn’t a commentary on how bad I looked, there would be no other. And instead of speaking, I twisted the laptop. I was halfway through the fifteen thousand comments, so he had a bit of scrolling to do to catch up. “Oh, shit, Lis.”

He slapped the cover down over the keyboard then tossed it onto the chair and pulled me against him. “Why are you even looking at this?”

To be honest, looking hadn’t started with the computer. It started with an article in the local paper, The Maine Messenger. The headline, “Sex Scandal Involving Chancellor’s Daughter Rocks University,” caught my eye, but the picture of me, an innocent ID photo, beside one of me on top of Finn’s dick and next to the one of my dad kept me reading long enough to find the URL to the video, explosive reporting by the way, and type it in.

He took the paper from my lap and stared at the front page then it landed on the chair by the computer. Then he gathered me against his chest. Normally there was nowhere else I would’ve preferred to be, but my emotions were raw, my anger bubbling so close to the surface. I pushed him away. “You did this to me. To my dad.”

Finn closed his eyes. “I know. I’m so sorry, Lis. I would give everything I have to go back and change it.”

Maybe because I was hurt, because I was angry, or because some part of me really hated him for this, I pulled back, looked up at him, and lowered my voice. “And I wish I’d never met you.”

I stood and walked to the bedroom. When I woke up in the morning, he was gone. And it took him ten years to come back.

13

Finn

She signed the papers. And I walked out. Numb. Silent.

She signed the fucking papers.

And I followed Beth to the hotel on the New Hampshire border. The drive took a couple of hours which gave me time to think about it all.

“I’ve made arrangements for you, Finn, because if she ever finds out what I’m about to do, I need to say I did it to help you.” Chancellor Fields stood and walked around his desk. “But you just know I’d rather see you dead than with her.”

“I’m not leaving her.” My conviction, my determination was strong. Unbreakable. I thought.

“Then you don’t love her. Because if you loved her, you would know this will end up destroying her. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not until your kids use whatever technology’s available in their time to look you both up and they find a picture of their mom.” He shrugged. “Maybe you’ll get lucky and it won’t be the one where she’s sucking your dick.”

There was no way to walk this back. “And if I leave her? You think that won’t break her?”

Her father shook his head. “That gives her the chance to find someone else who isn’t attached to the most humiliating time in her life.”

What I didn’t know, what I needed to find out, was too hard to ask. I cleared my throat. Then again when the lump blocking my words didn’t go down. “Shit.”

I covered my face with my hands, then scrubbed them up and down.