Page 59 of Not Mine To Love

“You guys are moving in together?”

“Yeah, not soon, after you find your own place.”

Oh god, I needed to find my own place. My mind was reeling. I was going to be homeless and loveless.

I held back a pitiful moan.

“Are you okay?”

I sat heavily on the couch and put my head between my legs and tried to breathe since I felt like I was having a panic attack.

My heartbeat was racing. My mind was racing. Random thoughts were popping up. I felt like I was going to faint. God, I was so dramatic.

“Just breathe. You’re not having some sort of heart attack, are you? According to the news, a heart attack can happen to anyone.”

“I’m not having a heart attack, Dad.”

“Huh?”

I realized that my head was still down and I was mumbling. Of course he didn’t understand a word I said.

“I was saying that I’m not having a heart attack,” Tears welled up in my eyes then. “I’m just so disappointed with myself.”

And then I started to sob.

Dad just held me, not knowing what I was crying about but not giving up on me. He was a great father. I was a terrible daughter and started crying harder at the thought.

“Hey, hey, hush… you’re fine. It’s okay.”

I felt like I was seven again, but I didn’t care. I let myself be comforted. I needed it.

Finally, when I didn’t have any more tears to cry, I raised my head.

“So you’re going to tell me what that was all about? I’m sure you’re not that broken up over me getting married.”

I wiped at my nose, and my dad reached for a paper towel from the kitchen and handed it to me.

“No, it’s not that at all. I just... I’m a disaster at love.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I messed up, Dad.” I wiped at another stray tear.

“Tell me what happened.” I filled him in, leaving out the really personal parts.

He listened patiently, not interrupting.

“Wow, that’s quite a doozey. So Julius was supposed to be getting married, but wasn’t really. And you two fell for each other. And now…”

“And now I don’t know how to feel.”

“Well take some time by yourself to think about things. Julius is a nice guy. I liked him. Whatever it is, I think you guys will be able to get through it together.”

“You’re such an optimist.”

“I know. And it’s annoying, but I like to believe in the best of everyone.”

“Is that why you stayed married to Mom so long?”