Page 31 of Dancing With Guilt

“You do?” Lily said with happiness. “I love piano, but the violin is my favorite. And I want to learn cello too.”

“You’ll be a one-girl band before it’s done with,” Lincoln laughed, the sound tense but not as tense as he was before. “I started playing piano when I was very young. My mom plays too.”

“Does she?” Lily asked and then paused before she spoke again. “That’s my grandmother, right?”

“Yes, she’s your grandmother,” Lincoln said gently, but Roxie could hear the unspoken ‘though she doesn’t know it yet’.

Roxie had a moment of panic as she thought about Ms. Young, Lincoln’s mother. She was always Ms. Young to her children’s friends, and Roxie could still remember the way the woman would stare coldly down at her at times. Roxie hadn’t often acted up as a child, but accidents happened, and Roxie could clearly remember a very ugly vase being broken that Ms. Young had been very upset about. It was probably worth more than Roxie’s car, but she still had no idea what the broken vase had actually cost.

At other times Ms. Young was fun, took part in activities with the kids, and made them all laugh. Roxie had a feeling there was a lot more to the woman than even her children knew about. She tried to imagine Lincoln’s mother as a grandmother and couldn’t fathom it.

“Can I meet her?” Lily asked, breaking into Roxie’s thoughts.

“Sure, when you’re ready. When she’s back from, um, wherever she is at the moment.” Lincoln’s face showed confusion and Roxie had a feeling that was because he had no idea where his mother was.

“Is she on vacation?” Lily asked, looking up at her father at last. Her shyness was fading finally and that made Lincoln smile.

“Probably. She spends a lot of time in different places.”

“Cool. Can we go down to the playground? There’s one just down there.” Lily pointed behind her, at the balcony doors, meaning out by the beach.

“Sure, we can do that.” Lincoln looked down at his suit and the polished leather shoes he wore. He looked back up and Roxie knew he’d decided it didn’t matter if the sand scuffed his expensive shoes or if they messed up his clothes. Spending time with Lily was more important than any of those things.

Roxie watched, certain now that things would be alright. At least they would be between Lily and Lincoln. How things would turn out between mother and father she had no clue, but at least her daughter would have her father, at last. That was good enough.

15

Lincoln

Lincoln was aware that Roxie was behind them on a park bench as he pushed Lily on a swing. He knew he looked calm, even happy, on the outside, but inside he was in turmoil. This was one of the happiest days of his life, he had just met his daughter and he was already in love.

The problem was Lily’s mother. Roxie’s face went from terrified, to happy, to angry every time he stole a glance at her. He couldn’t imagine what she must be thinking, and she wasn’t talking so it wasn’t likely that he’d find out either. He’d really upset her the last few times they’d seen each other and part of him regretted that.

There were much better ways to handle the situation he’d found himself in, he should have given her the benefit of the doubt, but he hadn’t. He’d stomped all over her feelings, treated her terribly, and had then insulted her on top of all that. To be fair, it was a surprise that she was allowing this at all, after his threat to take Lily away from her.

He still planned to claim his daughter and ask for custody of her, but that was for Lily’s protection, not to get back at Roxie. When he’d first told her that was his plan, he’d spoken in anger and with a need to hurt. He’d wanted to see her in as much pain as he’d been in at that moment.

Now he just wanted to protect the little girl who’d been so shy when they first met. But once she’d figured out he wasn’t an ogre she’d started to talk. He now knew that she had a dozen favorite colors, that her best friend was named Millie, and that she hated boys because they were always picking their noses. She liked all kinds of music and her favorite things to watch were documentaries and an old television show Aunt Katie liked called Bewitched.

Lincoln told her his favorite color was the blue shade of her eyes, and when she asked what his favorite dog was, he told her that his favorite was the beagle, even though he didn’t have a dog.

“But you’re a grownup, you can do what you want. Why don’t you have a dog?” Lily asked, dragging her feet on the ground to slow down and turn back to look at him.

“Well, my mother never allowed pets in the house, and I move around a lot too, so it wouldn’t be fair to the dog really. It would have to travel a lot.” Lincoln was making the excuses up on the fly, but now that he thought about it, he wondered why he didn’t have a dog. His mom hadn’t even allowed one of those expensive, decorative cats in the house when he was a kid. When he grew up, it hadn’t occurred to him that he could have a pet at last.

“I’m sure a dog would love to see the places you go to,” Lily said, as if she knew all the inner thoughts of a dog’s mind. She was a smart kid so maybe she did, he thought with a smile. “Dogs like to be with their humans.”

“They do, yes.” Lincoln decided he’d have one of his PAs start looking for a suitable puppy. When Lily came to live with him, a dog might help her settle in.

“And what’s your favorite food?” Lily asked, which set off a million other questions.

“All of it, really,” Lincoln answered, and she settled back into the swing for more pushing.

“Do I have to call you dad?” She asked once they’d started to make their way back inside.

Lincoln’s footsteps faltered but he caught back up with her. “No. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, yet. You can call me Lincoln.”

“Alright.” She nodded, happy enough, and put her hand in his.