Page 24 of Dancing With Guilt

“But I do know what it’s like to grow up without a father. Lily doesn’t have to endure that. I can keep that pain from her life,” he offered, still not sure about what he was going to do exactly. He did know he wanted his daughter with him, where he’d know she was safe. Maybe what Roxie suggested was the best way to turn the situation into a good thing, instead of a trauma for Lily.

Because yeah, he was an asshole, but he didn’t want to traumatize his daughter. He wanted to protect her from all the things that caused her pain. He wanted custody of her, but he wouldn’t keep Roxie from seeing her. That’s what he’d decided after a week of staring into the ocean for an answer that never came.

He’d have to take Lily, but he’d also have to allow her to see her mother. That was the only way to keep from breaking the girl’s heart. He just wasn’t sure when to tell Roxie that.

At the moment, he had no plans of starting their relationship again, even if his head told him to call her at every waking moment of his day, and even in his dreams. Trust had been broken, and that would take some time to heal. If it ever did heal.

“I know you didn’t know your dad, but you did know your mom, Lincoln. And whether it was a wise decision or not, she did what she thought was best for you,” Roxie started but he interrupted with a wave.

“What my mother did has no bearing on the here and now, Roxie. You decided to keep my daughter from me. Okay, you say you did it to protect us both, but I can’t accept that right now. I’m trying to be fair here, I’m trying to do what’s best for Lily, but don’t make this harder than it has to be.” He watched her face but there wasn’t so much as a twitch, just a nod of acceptance.

“Fine. I can understand that.” She inhaled, drawing her nostrils in a little as she did so and he almost smiled. That had always been one of the cutest things he’d never told her about. How much he loved everything about her, even the way her nostrils drew in when she inhaled through her nose.

“How are you otherwise?” He asked, wondering if she’d tell him about staying at Nick’s place or not. It wasn’t a test, just curiosity.

“I’m fine,” she said, back to the closed-off Roxie he’d met all those months ago. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” he said, despite the beard he’d grown because he couldn’t be bothered to shave. He thought it suited him, but it itched like fuck, so he’d probably shave it off sooner or later.

“Good. Anything else?” All business now, she was ready to go and not above hiding just how ready she was to get away.

“Just this, please don’t break off all contact with me. I do plan on getting custody of Lily, but if we can keep this civil, I’d like to. You can still have visitation with her,” he said, but she just smirked at him.

“How generous of you,” she drawled out in a perfect example of the accent she’d picked up in her years in South Carolina.

It suited her.

“I’m sorry, Roxie. I think it’s best for her.” He held his hands out with a shrug. “Can you tell me I’m wrong?”

She watched him silently, her lips twisted, before she shook her head. “You’re probably right. I’ve been able to take care of her from afar all this time, but you can give her a lot more than I can. And I can see her when I want to?”

“Yes, of course. I’ll bring her down here if you like?”

“I’ll talk to Aunt Katie, see what she thinks. She’s got to have some input into this too.” Roxie shifted around in her seat, restless but trying to remain calm. “I’ll call you later, shall I?”

“That’s fine.” Lincoln couldn’t keep the relief out of his voice. “I’ll keep her safe, Roxie. I promise.”

“You’d better, Lincoln, or I will make you wish you’d never set eyes on me.” Roxie’s grim voice made that promise far more than a deadly warning. “She may not live with me, but she is my daughter. I love her more than anything else in this world. I wouldn’t allow this at all if I didn’t think you could protect her, but I promise you, if you fail, if you fuck this up and she ends up hating you, I will get her back, one way or another.”

“Even with those men out there, Roxie?” He reminded, wanting to wound her for her doubt in him as a caring parent.

“Even with those men out there, Lincoln.” She pulled her glasses down as she repeated the words back to him. “I will make you disappear if you hurt her in any way.”

“I believe you,” he said after a long pause. She had the right. She was Lily’s mother, after all.

“Good. Are we done now?” Roxie asked, and Lincoln nodded at her untouched mocha. “I don’t want it and I have another appointment. Are we done?”

“Yes, I guess we are.” Lincoln pulled his lips in for a moment, to stop the words that would beg her to come back to his place. “If you need anything, Roxie, let me know.”

“Yeah, sure, Lincoln,” she said and picked up her bag. “Take care.”

She left then, her back straight, without another word.

It was plain to him that she was still hurt, and he couldn’t blame her, he’d been vicious to her. Now that he’d had time to calm down, time to think about what she’d said, he knew she’d been right. She’d tried to tell him, but he’d talked over her, ignored the need in her eyes, at a point when he was vulnerable himself.

It must have been hard to get the courage up to tell him something like that after so many years. He still didn’t like that she hadn’t told him from the moment she found out she was pregnant, but now he could see how a teenager had made a decision that would prove to be a bombshell later.

But if they couldn’t go back to being lovers, he would like to be her friend. They shared a child, whether she liked it or not. He wanted them to be civil to each other. Maybe she just needed her own time to process all of this.