Page 40 of Dancing With Doubt

18

Roxie

“Why aren’t you looking for him?” Roxie shouted at Kai as the sun set on another day. “What if whoever has him has killed him already?”

“Roxie, please.” Kai soothed, his hands out flat before his body. “I know it doesn’t look like I’m doing anything, but I am.”

“What? What are you doing, Kai?” She cried, hating how helpless she felt as she stared out at the dark sky. “He’s out there and he needs us.”

“I know, Roxie. We need to be patient though. Let whoever has him contact us.” Kai must have had a really strong grip on his temper, Roxie decided as she moved away from him to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

They’d made her go to bed last night, but she’d got right back up an hour later. None of them had slept at all as the hours passed and nobody came forward with a ransom demand. The police hadn’t called to relay any information, but Roxie didn’t hold out much hope there. That snotty bitch wouldn’t tell Roxie anything. On purpose.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re doing your best.” Roxie apologized and went outside to sit on the deck alone.

Logan and Keily had gone home, as had Dylan and Emily, but June was still there, as were Tanya and Mandy. Kitty and River sent messages through the hours, but they both had to work. Tanya and Mandy went about their normal tasks, holding down the fort for Lincoln.

Roxie paced until her legs started to cramp. She drank so much coffee her stomach started to burn. She went to the bathroom and cried in private. She let the others comfort her and tried to comfort June. She tried to sleep again but couldn’t, so she got in her car and drove down to the gas station to buy cigarettes and a lighter.

The pack sat unopened on the table, the neon green lighter on top. She’d smoked, very briefly, during a very rough time in her life. She thought it would take the edge off, but when she found herself craving a cigarette one day, she quit. The pack sat there, just in case. She put her hand over the red and white box with black letters, as if drawing comfort from the poison inside. As if knowing it was there was enough.

It was a distraction technique, she knew. As a dancer, she’d never been able to cut herself to seek relief. She showed too much of her body for that. It was also because she was a dancer, and a damned good one, that she also never turned to drugs. Well, that and they took money she didn’t want to waste. Every now and then she’d drown her worries in alcohol, but yeah, hangovers sucked ass.

Using the poison in the cigarettes as a distraction was all she could manage at the moment. She wasn’t hurting herself, but knowing she could, even if it was just a single cigarette, somehow…helped. Not the smartest idea in the world, but she was going out of her mind with worry.

No matter what anyone said, she knew in her gut that Lincoln’s disappearance was her fault. This had something to do with her and if she’d just stayed out of his life, he wouldn’t be in this mess. If he was still alive.

That made her stomach cramp and her chest squeeze so tight she thought she’d be ill from it. She stretched her arms back, trying to ease the tension, but nothing really helped.

When she checked her phone for the millionth time, saw the battery was fine and there were no messages, she put it back down. The damn thing wouldn’t ring in her hand now, would it?

She got up, paced the deck some more, and waited. The waiting wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t feel like she was holding her breath, even when she inhaled.

“You okay out here?” June asked as she came outside.

“No, not really. I’m losing my mind.”

“Me too and I haven’t even called my family yet. Mom and Liam will be so pissed if I don’t call them soon. And my dad too. He still loves Lincoln like he’s his own.” June sat down, looked at the cigarettes on the table, looked at Roxie, then back at the pack. “Can I have one?”

“Um, you’re a doctor, June. No.” Roxie came to sit down with her friend. “I shouldn’t have bought them.”

“Doctor or not, my nerves are shot to shit. Do you know how many doctors lecture their patients about smoking and then light up as soon as they get off of hospital grounds? Too damn many. Give me one.” June reached for the pack, but Roxie jerked it away.

“No. Get your own. I’m not contributing to your future bad health.” Roxie slid the pack into her back pocket and glared at her friend.

“See, still a stubborn asshole.” June glared but that soon melted into a pout. “I just want one.”

“No!” Roxie said more forcefully. “I’m serious, if you want one go get your own.”

“Fine. I’ll be back in a little bit. Do you want anything?”

“No, just Lincoln home.”

“Oh, honey, I know. I do too.” June hugged her before she left.

Roxie felt bad about planting the idea in her friend’s brain, but that didn’t stop her from reaching for her phone again.

Still nothing.