Page 44 of Mafia’s Dirty Secret

“Marie, you’re here. Good. I wanted to talk to you.” The doctor that Marie remembered from the day before came in. Today, her blond hair was scraped away from her face in a ponytail of curly hair. Dr. Amanda Johnson, her name tag read.

“Hello, Dr. Johnson,” Marie said and stood up. “What did you need to talk about?”

“I’ve had her GP come in and we’ve talked about your mother’s case. She has a ‘do not resuscitate’ order in place, and you have power of attorney, so it’s up to me to talk to you about what’s going to happen.”

The doctor took a seat next to Marie and Marie pulled her bottom lip in. She knew what was coming, what the doctor would say. That didn’t make it easier to hear.

“Your mother is not going to recover. She had a stroke before the pneumonia set in. She’s only going to get worse and her orders won’t allow us to put her on life-support. She may last the day, but I don’t know if she’ll last much longer.”

“Thank you,” Marie said woodenly. There it was. The truth. Her mother was about to die.

“Do you want to know more, or should I give you some time?” the doctor asked with a sympathetic tone.

“No. That’s about it, I think. I just have to wait now, don’t I?” Marie’s eyes filled with tears and she brushed them away. “Thank you, doctor, really. I’m just trying to process this.”

“No problem, Marie. I want you to know, I’m here if you need someone to talk to. From what Jane told me, you have spent a very long time caring for your mother. I know this must be very hard for you now.”

“Thank you,” Marie repeated. She hated the words now, she said them way too much, but there was nothing else she could say. “I appreciate that.”

“The nurses will page me if anything happens.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Matteo said, and came to take the woman’s place as she got up to leave. She left the room and Matteo took Marie’s hand.

“Are you alright?”

“No, but I’ll have to be. She’s… dying. I have to be alright, until the end, anyway.”

“I’m here, Marie.”

“I’m really, really, glad you are.” She leaned over to lay her head on his shoulder.

Jane came in at lunchtime, and Matteo went down to the cafeteria to get them food.

“Hi, darling,” Jane said as she wrapped Marie in a hug once Matteo was gone.

“Hi,” Marie whispered back and hugged Jane tightly. She pushed the tears away and pulled back. “Thanks for coming, you didn’t have to.”

“The agency hasn’t filled this time slot yet, so I thought I’d come by and check on her. They told us she wouldn’t be going home.”

“No, it doesn’t seem so.” Weight, grief, sank down over her in a dark cloud, as she realized that the next time she went home would be the first time she was there without her mother in years. That her mother would never be there again.

Emotions warred inside of her as she sat there with Jane. The relief of freedom at hand made her feel even more guilty than having sex had. Grief that she’d never get that chance to measure up in her mother’s eyes. Or maybe she had.

“You know that day you told her off, Marie?” Jane piped up suddenly, her voice sure. “I think that was the day she knew you could go on without her. She wasn’t the world’s greatest mother, but she knew you were ready to face what was on the way.”

“Do you think so?” Marie asked. “You don’t think I caused the stroke?”

“Not at all, honey. She was bed-ridden and she had pneumonia. You didn’t cause that stroke at all, Marie.”

“I hope not.” It was a thought that had been playing in the back of her mind. Now it was out in the open, she remembered the last words her mother said to her. Her mother told her thank you. Maybe she had gotten that last chance to measure up, after all, she just hadn’t noticed.

“Thank you, Jane. That’s put my mind at ease,” Marie spoke again.

That was the moment machines started to beep, loud noises that alarmed Marie immensely.

Jane pulled her away as nurses rushed in, followed by Doctor Johnson. They looked at Marie, and Doctor Johnson held her hand out to Marie. “Say goodbye, Marie.”

“What?” It had happened so quickly, way too quickly. “She’s not gone yet. Can’t you just do CPR and get her heart to work again?”