Page 57 of Housekeeping

31

Laura

“Are you sure about this?” Jessi asked me once again.

I sighed, my head lolling on the seat’s headrest. I wasn’t sure, and that was the problem. There was no point in running away, was there? If I was honest, I was grateful to both Jessi and Trent. Trent for renting the house close enough to the hospital, and her for staying there with me, and taking time off as well when she didn’t need to.

It was time now. I’d finished all my tests which was strange because at the time I’d felt that they’d never end and now they were done, it felt as if the time had passed so quickly. One thing was for sure: I was exhausted. As much as I would love to stick with Jessi until I had to go back to the doctor, there was a part of me that would rather be alone in my little apartment, if only for a little bit.

“You really don’t need to worry,” I said wondering if I was reassuring her or myself. I hated being a burden to anyone. “I’ll be fine… some alone time would do me good.” I realized what I really needed, it wasn’t so much to not feel as if I was a burden, it was just some time to be alone.

“And you’re sure you’re okay?” she asked, double-checking.

I sighed and faced my friend to give her a wan smile. “You don’t have to worry too much. I feel better now than I have for the past few days. I just want to sleep in my bedroom, surrounded by my favorite things and wait for morning and knit something. God, you don’t know how much I miss knitting!” And I didn’t know exactly how it would change, the thing that scared me.

“You’re like a grandma before your time. You’re obsessed with knitting!”

We both laughed. I thought about knitting, but the truth of the matter was that I was too weak to really do it at the moment. Knitting calmed me and made me feel whole, but it took too much concentration at times.

She undid her seatbelt and reached for me with open arms. I leaned in for a long, comforting hug. I almost lost the fight with my tears but kept my head tilted up and blinked until I didn’t think I was going to cry again. I’d cried enough in front of my friend already. I knew just how much she hated seeing me in pain, and I wouldn’t make her see any more. With all the support she’d already given me, it was more than enough.

After I went to see Dr. Matthew… well, I might need more comfort afterward so I could at least let her relax and see her boyfriend. She’d completely put him off while she was with me, and I didn’t want him to have such a low impression of me before we even officially met.

“It’s fine, really,” I said when I felt the hug was going on too long. “You have a date, don’t you? You need to get home and freshen up before going to meet your boyfriend.”

She sighed as she pulled back, settling into her seat and putting on her seatbelt again.

“I wouldn’t call it a date, exactly. He’s taking the day off and I’m just going to his place. You are right though, I’ll probably take a shower first,” she conceded.

“Go and make a date of it then,” I said, my smile growing a little brighter. “You have such a wonderful boyfriend, and you’ve been in love with him for years. You can't just neglect him.”

“It’s not neglect,” she retorted, frowning. “I’m taking care of you, and you’re my best friend. Trent understands and if he didn’t then I wouldn’t be with him. I can’t deal with being in a relationship and having to be someone I’m not. I want to be myself and comfortable being me. I am with Trent, so it’s all good.”

I sighed. “Thank you, Jessi, for being my very best friend. And I’m glad things are working out well for you and Trent. Also, thank you for looking after me, but I’ll be fine for a few hours alone. Just… enjoy your time together, at least. Even if it’s only for my sake.”

Her frown only grew deeper.

“I’ve kept you long enough,” I said, because I had a feeling if I didn’t try to leave first, I’d end up crying in front of her, and she wouldn’t go. This whole thing had been my idea to begin with, I couldn’t just allow her to keep ignoring Trent. That wasn’t fair to either of them.

“Should I come pick you up?” Her voice was shaking, and I knew that she was nervous about asking after I just told her that I needed ‘me’ time.

I bit my lip, unsure. I’d been thinking of Mason lately and feeling a little guilty at how much I was ignoring him. I wasn’t sure if I could muster the courage to contact him after so long… but when I was sending Jessi off to her boyfriend, this had been the plan. I’d told her I had someone I could ask, but to keep her phone on because I wasn’t sure I could go through with it.

There had been so many calls and messages from Mason, and I’d evaded them all up to now. It hadn't been easy for me, a few times I almost caved. Now though, I didn’t want to avoid him anymore. Having Jessi around was a blessing, but…

I missed him.

“It’s fine,” I said. “I’ll call you if I need you, but if I don’t, just spend time with Trent. If I don’t see you again today, I promise to give you an update after I see the doctor.”

She still looked reluctant, but she sighed and started the car again. We’d been sitting out there for nearly twenty minutes, and I reached for the door handle.

“Fine,” she said, resigned. “But I swear, Laura, if you don’t call or message me by tonight, I will come looking for you.”

“That’s fine. I’ll see you later, Jessi. And thanks again.”

I opened the door and climbed out. The air was a bit chilly, and my shoulders rose around my ears as I shivered from a cold breeze, holding my coat tighter around my body. I waved at Jessi as she started the car, then watched as she drove away.

Once her car was out of sight, I turned and walked into my building. It was an old place, not like some of the newer, more luxurious looking apartment buildings in the area. I felt a sense of nostalgia as I closed the creaky door behind me and headed for the steep staircase. I was in no hurry, going up the steps slowly. I’d meant it when I said I was in my best condition over the past few days, but I still felt a little bit weak.