Page 57 of Fake it With Me

The problem was, every time I saw her, all I could think about was how good she had felt in my arms. She had said my name, and it made me absolutely crazy. It felt so right to have her in my arms. Under me. Me inside her.

If I didn’t stay busy, I was going to find myself in her bedroom, begging her to let me have her again.

So I threw myself into preparing for the home evaluation instead. It was happening in two days, and I needed everything to be perfect. The house was already clean. I paid people good money to keep it that way. But I wanted it to look lived-in and loved. Warm. The kind of place where a child would thrive.

It wasn’t like the place was a pigpen and there was plenty of evidence that Daisie was very comfortable in the house.

I hired additional cleaners to do a deep clean of every room. I had the landscapers come in to manicure the lawn, trim the hedges, and make sure everything looked pristine but not sterile. They were also installing new flowers along the driveway, colorful annuals that would make the place look cheerful and welcoming.

No one had to know they’d been put in the day before the evaluation.

I stood outside watching the landscapers work, mentally running through my checklist. The house was ready. Daisie’s room was organized but not too organized. I had made sure to leave some toys out, some drawings on her desk, signs that a real kid lived there. The fridge was stocked with healthy food and also some kid-friendly options. I had even hired a service to put fresh flowers around the house.

That was probably overkill but it did make it feel brighter.

Everything was ready. It had to be.

I surveyed the backyard. I had added a second gate around the pool. It was definitely overkill, but I didn’t want them suggesting she was in danger of falling into the pool.

Never mind the fact Daisie was a better swimmer than most adults. My eyes drifted to the edge of the property. That might be a problem. Did I have time to get a fence installed? Daisie was seven, not two. I knew she was in no danger of falling on the rocks and down the cliff to the shoreline.

But would the people hired to evaluate me think otherwise?

“Daddy?”

I turned to find Daisie standing beside me. I knew my child and the expression on her face made my stomach turn. She looked sad, uncertain in a way that reminded me of those first few months after Sasha left.

“What’s wrong, kiddo?”

She kicked at the grass, not meeting my eyes. “Are you still friends with Liza?”

The question caught me off guard. “Of course, I am. Why would you ask that?”

“Because you don’t talk anymore. At dinner, you both just sit there being quiet and weird.” She struggled to find the words. “It feels like when you and Mommy stopped being friends. Before she left.”

Fuck. Of course, she had noticed. Kids always noticed, even when you thought you were hiding things well.

I knelt down to her level. “Liza and I are definitely still friends. We’ve just been a little busy lately, that’s all. But nothing’s wrong.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

She still looked uncertain. I made a spur of the moment decision. One I probably should have thought through more carefully, but Daisie was looking at me with those big, worried eyes and I couldn’t stand it.

“Actually,” I said, “Liza isn’t just my friend. She’s my girlfriend. Is that okay with you?”

Daisie’s face transformed, lighting up like I’d just told her Christmas was coming early. “Really? She’s your girlfriend? Like, for real?”

“Yeah. For real.” The words felt true even though they’d started as a lie. Somewhere along the way, without me fully realizing it, this had become real.

“That’s so cool!” She threw her arms around my neck. “Does that mean she’s going to stay forever?”

And there it was. The complication I had been trying to avoid.

“Let’s just see how things go, okay? But yes, she’s my girlfriend, and we both care about you very much. I won’t promise she’s going to stay forever, but we’re going to see, okay?”

Daisie hugged me tighter. Guilt settled heavily in my stomach. I was letting her believe in something that wouldn’t last. If Liza and I couldn’t figure this out and she left in a few weeks like the contract specified, Daisie would be devastated.