Page 2 of No Going Back

For a second something twisted and desperate flickers through my mind… ask him, ask Cole if you can use him, just this once, just to take the edge off. We’re both built the same, both guys, both starving for touch in different ways. He’d probably say no, but maybe… heat floods my face, and I clear my throat hard, ashamed of how low I’ve sunk to even think it. I turn away before he can read anything in my expression and stalk over to the couch, flopping down onto the sagging cushions. I throw an arm over my eyes, willing my body to calm the hell down. This is ridiculous now… is this even normal?

Cole drops onto the couch beside me, the cushions dipping under his weight, and without hesitation he reaches over and plants his warm palm on my knee. “Alright, my guy,” he says, voice low and steady like he’s talking me down from some injury on the field. “What’ll help? Name it. You want to go out, get distracted? Hit the gym and burn some energy, even though I literally just showered? Or grab some food?”

I let out a short laugh, mostly because the way he says, “name it,” hits me like he’d actually do anything I asked, no questions. But there’s no way he means that. Still, the words hang there, tempting, and my pulse kicks harder.

“What’s funny?” he asks, grinning that easy, familiar grin we’ve shared since we were eight years old.

“Name it?” I echo, raising an eyebrow. “Really?”

He shrugs, the motion making the towel shift slightly against his hips. “Yeah, of course. You’re my best friend. What’ll help?”

Jesus Christ. The rational part of my brain screams that this could ruin everything we’ve built over the years, but the rest of me is delirious, throbbing, and desperate.

I drag in a breath. “Alright,” I say, voice rougher than I intend. “Let me… use you… for a release.”

Cole stares at me, unblinking, like he’s waiting for the punchline. When it doesn’t come, he lets out an awkward, disbelieving laugh. “Uh… what?”

He pulls his hand back from my knee fast, like the skin there suddenly burns. I shrug, letting him see I’m completely serious.

Cole stands up abruptly, shaking his head. “Dude… okay, I know I said name it, but like… I’m not gay. I’m not sucking your dick or whatever.”

He scoffs, turning away, and heads toward his bedroom door.

I stand too, running a frustrated hand through my hair before following him. “Come on, man. If you help me out, I won’t go find some cheap fuck and cheat on Hannah. I don’t want to cheat on her.”

He stops in the middle of his room and turns back, laughing sharply. “You’re fucked in the head for one. For two… you do realize using me would be cheating on her?”

“No, it wouldn’t,” I insist, stepping closer. “You’re my best friend. It’s literally just for release… no feelings involved, and it’s not like it’ll happen again.”

Cole throws his hands up. “How are you making me feel like the weird one for saying no?”

I take another step toward him, closing the distance until I can feel the heat coming off his freshly showered skin.

“Dude, I’m sorry,” he says, voice firmer now. “I know you’re clearly struggling, but I’m not having a dick in my mouth.”

“Not that,” I mutter.

His eyes flicker with confusion. “What…?” Then realization hits, and his eyes blow wide. He lets out a nervous, incredulous laugh. “Uh, no… ha… absolutely not. You are not fucking me! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Cole, will you calm the fuck down? Jesus.” I keep my voice steady. “I’m not asking for much. I’d do the same for you.”

“No,” he says, but it’s softer this time, less certain. “Just no… seriously?”

I step closer again until only a foot separates us. “You trust me, don’t you?”

He swallows hard, eyes cautious, but he doesn’t back away. “Well… yeah…”

“Hey, how about this,” I offer, grasping at anything that might tip the scale. “I’ll pay for dinner all week. In fact, I’ll go shopping and stock the fridge… pay for all the groceries. I’ll buy you pizza tonight, whatever you want.”

He huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “Really? You think food is going to get you what you want here?”

I reach out gently, wrapping my fingers around his forearm, and tug him forward until the backs of his knees hit the end of his bed. He doesn’t resist, just follows the pull with a stunned expression.

“I’ll be quick, okay?” I say quietly.

“I… what…” he breathes, like the words are stuck.

My heart hammers as I reach down and undo the knot in his towel. The fabric loosens instantly, and his hands fly to cover himself, clutching the towel in place over his crotch.