Page 3 of The Awful Truth

“Wow, that was both offensive and lazy.”

“Yeah, it was, but I’m having a hot flash so you’re not going to get my best material.”

“Charlotte’s never done anything to earn that label,” Antonia answered. “And of course we’re bringing her. I don’t know which end is up without that girl.”

The truth was she invited their assistant on the trip as a peace-offering, after Charlotte had stopped making eye contact with her several months earlier. Antonia had snapped at her for double booking them for two talk show appearances (then not noticing until the morning of). Charlotte was part of that generation who never apologized for mistakes and couldn’t handle a little criticism, both of which irritated Antonia to no end. And honestly, booking them on the Today Show without looking to see they were already on Good Morning America at that time? That’s not an error they could afford to have her make twice.

“Trust me. She’s an opportunist. And she’s got a thing for your husband.”

“She does not. She’s got daddy issues, but Ted is not her type.”

“Yeah, well, she’s every middle-aged man’s type—young, firm, and adoring.”

“Oh my God, Enid, let’s give Ted a little more credit than that,” Antonia said, ignoring the fact that her chest suddenly felt heavy. When Enid didn’t immediately backtrack, she added, “Do you seriously think I wouldn’t notice if something was going on?”

“You’re obviously brilliant, Antonia, but your people smarts come from books. Mine come from the streets.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I see people as they are. You see a diagnosis.”

“That is not true.”

“You can’t help but think that. You’re a product of your education.”

“Apparently we both are.”

“My point is this: Ted’s a man. Men are stupid, especially when some young thing bats her eyelashes and tosses her long glossy hair.”

Pulling a sundress down from the hanger, Antonia wrinkled up her nose. No way that one would fit anymore. “I really have to go. Xavier’s here and I need to go over some things with him before we leave.”

“Tell your stay-at-home son I said hi.”

“I don’t know why I don’t fire you.”

“Because I’m willing to do things for you no one else would. Have a terrific time, but more importantly, be ultra-charming so we can all get disgustingly rich.” Enid hung up without saying goodbye, which Antonia knew was one of her agent’s favorite power plays. Too busy for niceties. Too important.

“Finally,” Xavier said, drawing out the word the same way he had done since he was five. “Are you going somewhere?”

She tossed the sundress into a giveaway basket in the corner of her closet. “Croatia, remember? Your dad and I are going to spend a week with Travis Bishop and his wife.”

“What? You never told me that.”

She closed her eyes and pinched her nose with one finger and a thumb. “Yes, I did. I also texted you about it. Twice.”

“I don’t think so. I would have remembered that.”

Antonia tucked a lock of her sensible dark blonde, chin-length hair behind her ear and told herself to take three long, slow breaths, like she used to tell her patients to do (back when she used to have actual patients and not ‘guests’). Three deep breaths, all the way into your belly, hold for four, and exhale slower than the inhale. You must calm your mind in order for it to function at its best.

Xavier had the audacity to look offended. “Why are you box breathing? I haven’t even done anything wrong.”

“I’m just a little stressed out,” she said, swiping through her summery dresses for something that might fit over her widening hips. She was turning into her mother, who had been slim right up until she turned fifty when she promptly turned into a Bartlett pear. “Anyway, we’re leaving in thirty minutes and we’ll be back next Saturday. No parties. I’m serious. We will actually evict you this time.”

Ted chose that moment to saunter into the room, rubbing his flat belly, which was a habit he picked up after he started hitting the gym the year before. One of the things Antonia resented most about Ted (and there were so many to choose from) was that he could drop weight at will, and at fifty-four was in the best shape of his life. His face lit up when he saw their son. “Hey, champ! How’s the market today?”

Xavier wrinkled his nose and shook his head in response. “It’s a good time to buy. Listen, I was thinking I should set up in the Kauai house for the winter. It’s closer to Asia so I can be on top of the foreign markets a little better from there.”

Antonia let her shoulders drop. “Hawaii is behind us. Asia is ahead.”