Page 110 of Carousel

My hand lingers a moment longer on the lever.

“You speak as if I’m going to be piloting one of these one day.”

He grins – and I go weak. I love the broad, crooked way he smiles so much. The way it scatters his freckles and makes his cheekbones even more prominent.

“Why not? When you FI, you’ll be in Intelligence, but so’s Riss, and she has a ship. They send her out on reconnaissance.”

“Cosmer. I didn’t really want to Integrate. Be a Hevallan soldier⁠—”

“I know. And I wish there was another way. But it’s not really something you can stop. And at least it would mean we could be together, properly. There’s nothing against being with someone who’s not your direct officer.”

I’m aware, then, of his hand travelling along the side of my leg, and the bulge now nudging me through his breeches.

Of its own accord, my back arches, and I push back into him, enjoying the rush of friction doing that brings on underneath me.

In a fluid movement, he gathers the strands that had fallen loose from my ponytail over my shoulder and fixes them into my ribbon. Slowly, he kisses my now completely bare neck, leaving the skin there tingling.

I sink back into him even more, shivers running through me, as his fingers creep into my waistband.

In my ear, he says, “And then we’d have two ships we could do this in.”

It’s like seconds and minutes pass by at twice the speed in Cosmer’s ship. He ends up bending me right over the control table. I cling to it as he works his fingers into me, pounding fast and deep while still rubbing the place I crave most. Involuntary moans leave my lips, and he uses his free hand to cover my mouth, his fingers slipping in. They taste faintly of metal and oil, and somehow that arouses me even more. I clench up tighter, each ebb of pleasure rising through me as unbelievable as the last. I’m struggling to stay upright.

After release comes for me, I turn to him and sort of straddle him, using the table behind me for balance. I reach for him – and this time, he lets me.

For all the confidence I feel, my heart is racing. He’s big.

He seems to notice my hesitation and takes my hand. He guides it up and down himself to show me how he wants it, before he lets go. I take over.

And I enjoy it.

It brings me pleasure to see him like this. Unleashed. Panting. I do what he does, responding to what he seems to like and doing more of it. I press myself right against him so I can feel every breath he makes.

He calls my name as he finishes, leaving me wet, and it’s like music to me.

We pull our breeches up, just in case, and I curl up onto his lap while he strokes my hair.

He says, in a soft, sly way, “We still have a few hours. Want to take Bumble for a flight?”

I gawk at him. Being alone in the sky together sounds incredible. But…

“Is that allowed?”

“I think it would be considered Unapproved Use of Osimidite. But,” he says, with a kiss on my neck, “Since there are already way worse rules we’re breaking, I don’t really care right now. Plus, if I’m your keeper now, we can just say we did it as part of your Integration.”

I smile, wide. This is the Cosmer I knew, who had a rebellious side, a mischievous spark about him, and did things other people might have thought were crazy – like training the stray dogs, and climbing Temple to get a better look at the cacti in the rooftop garden – but I thought were wonderful. I knew he was still in there, under the new strict officer frontage.

“Where are you going to take us?”

“I think the question is, where are you going to take us?”

My mouth drops. “I’m going to pilot?”

“You can make the bed, can’t you? You can do anything.”

He shows me how to prepare the ship for take-off. It’s a lot to remember. And there are so many gauges for different things I have to keep an eye on.

“How long did it take you to learn how to fly?”