Page 4 of The Big Puck

She nods. “Must have been quite a shock. And this job…” She waves a hand around my office. “This is new, too. Exciting times.”

I furrow my brow. “Exciting isn’t what I’m going for. Stability. That’s what Krissy needs, what the DSS people told me is most important. Guess we have that in common.” I let out a snort at the irony. That and one-eighth of her gene pool, from my father. But I don’t share that damning data point with Lainey.

“Excitement can be stressful. I get it.” She nods. “Tell me, Spence—do you mind if I call you that? What were you going to do if you hired someone from the agency? Were you going to have them stay at your house with you?”

“The agency recommended a live-in situation because I’ll be traveling and working late, unconventional hours. I don’t think I have any choice.” I watch the baby in her arms, a wave of wistfulness slipping through me out of nowhere. Reaching out a hand, I touch Krissy’s fine baby hair, letting the soft warmth of her remind me of what’s at stake.

Lainey shifts and hands Krissy to me.

“I didn’t—” I don’t know what I mean to say. That I don’t want to take Krissy from her? I accept the baby into my arms and breathe in her baby essence, a magical fragrance meant to bring any man or woman to their knees in service to her small budding life.

“I know, but I’ve been selfishly hogging all her baby goodness, and we’re going to be leaving, so I figured you could use a moment of fortification before I take her away.”

“Fortification.” I nod. It shouldn’t make sense, but it does. “Sending you to my house makes sense today, Lainey, but I wouldn’t expect you to stay tonight since you’re here in town with your brother.”

“We can work out the details after our try-out.”

I frown. “There’s a lot of details and logistics.”

“They’ll all work out, I’m sure.” She pushes off the edge of the desk, goes to the stroller, and stuffs the things willy-nilly back in the bag she’d taken out. I look away, and Krissy touches my face and then my mouth. Said mouth turns up at the corners automatically. Must be the combination of the satisfying weight of her pudgy body in my arms, her baby smell, and her wondrous attention to my face, all conspiring to distract me from my challenging reality long enough to smile, to appreciate a moment.

“Ready to hand her over?” Lainey stands before me, and I hesitate for no good reason.

“Sure I can trust you?”

She crosses her hand over her chest and holds it up like a girl scout. I bet she was a girl scout, the one with all the badges decorating her vest. Although it’s hard to picture that right now because underneath the baby—my baby, I remind myself again because I need to keep doing that until it sinks in—I take note, now that she’s not holding Krissy, she’s been hiding world-class breasts. They’re plump, perfectly shaped with a slight upward turn where her nipples are outlined through the white T-shirt. They aren’t outrageously large but stand out—no pun intended—because she’s so slim otherwise. She has the kind of body I could picture being highlighted in the old Victoria’s Secret catalogs back when I was a young buck and got off on those slick photos of larger-than-life women.

They were the kind of women I now avoided. The kind everyone warns you about, the kind who could have anyone, so why would they settle for a guy like you—a has-been or a never-was. Take your pick.

Oh, there once was a time when I was a hotshot, but I’m not that guy who lives on the remembrance of the old glory days. I’m here and now and still striving, however much in vain it may ultimately be, to make my mark, to reach my peak, to do well enough to satisfy that need deep down in me to rid myself of the feeling that I’m not enough.

“Well? Don’t leave a girl hanging,” she scoffs at me, but I see the hint—the very first hint—of vulnerability, the tiniest crack in her confident optimism.

Shame wells up in me because the last thing I’d want to do to anyone is break their optimism, especially, for some unnamed reason, to this young lady who has yet to be disillusioned by life with dashed dreams or unfulfilled promises.

“I trust you. I know your brother.” I go for a smile to lighten up, trying to play on her sunny home field, but I should know better.

She frowns. “Of course. You know my brother. He’ll vouch for me.”

“Problem with that?”

“No. Not at all. Why should there be?” She looks away. There’s definitely a problem, but I’m not asking because she answered the question, and the conversation is done. I’m off the hook for whatever awkwardness I caused.

But she speaks again in a softer voice. I should have known she’s a sharer. “It’s just that…I already owe him. I feel like I’m taking advantage. Maybe I want to step out on my own, take charge of my own life without my big brother’s permission, or worse, assistance.”

It’s not a question, but I raise my brows in a question because I’m confused. “Okay. I didn’t…don’t—” I stop because I don’t understand.

She waves a hand and laughs with self-deprecation but without self-consciousness. “Never mind. I’ll get over it. It was my idea to follow him to the ends of the earth to escape my small town.”

“The ends of the earth? Portsmouth, New Hampshire, may not be the biggest market in the NHL, but it’s got its charms. A harbor, tourism, culture, history, and more restaurants per capita than almost every city in the northeast.”

“Wow. I’m impressed. Either you’re getting a commission from the local chamber of commerce, or you’re absolutely in love with Portsmouth because that’s the first I heard you string more than a few words together in our short acquaintance.”

“You’re a sassy young lady for someone who’s supposed to be good at nurturing children.” I figure I owe her a quip more than an explanation, though I’m going off-script for a professional dealing with a potential employee. She rewards me with a sassy, bordering-on sexy smile, and I wish I could take back every last syllable of my soliloquy.

“Glad you noticed.” She turns the wattage down on her smile to a flirty level, and I half expect her to bat her lashes. Fuck.

This is where my run of bad luck kicks in because I’m pretty sure if I don’t shut up, I’m well on my way to messing up the first bit of good fortune fate has bestowed on me since I got the call about my brother and the dominos started falling all the way to the precipice of hell, one piece of bad news after another.