Page 6 of Your Kiss Is On My List

“I know, but I’d love to watch you tell Trey. He’ll go ballistic.” I glance at Trey when she says that and I’m gratified to see him knit his brows, like he’s preparing for battle, and if that doesn’t trip my heart…

“No, he won’t. There’s nothing to be ballistic about. Don’t listen to her Trey.”

“Why would I start now?” he says, his wry smile melting my heart so that I can’t help beaming at him. Lou rolls her eyes.

“Well if you two are having a party without me, let’s get the rest of the shit out of my car.”

Once Lou drives off, a deep pang shakes a sigh from me. But then I look over at Trey standing with me in the driveway and chills of possibility and excitement threaten to wrap me up and carry me away. But all my rational reasoning points to the fact that he’s still more big brother than boyfriend material. Nothing’s changed between us—except that we’re neighbors again and on the same campus so he can’t avoid me anymore.

At least I have that. And I can be happy with him as a friend again. It’s been so hard not having him around to talk to, joke with and annoy and poke and, let’s face it, to look at. He turns to me and my smile slips to giddy. I need to watch it. I don’t want to scare him and make him feel a need to avoid me all over again.

“You don’t have to buy me drinks,” he says, and I cut him off in a panicked rush.

“Yes, I do. You helped move me in, and I owe you the story about why I’m here.” He remains unenthusiastic, so I press. “Aren’t you the least bit curious? Come on, Trey. I thought you were the best big brother ever? You can’t ditch me on my first night at a new school where I don’t know a soul except you.” He smiles an unconvincing smile and I slip my arm through his.

“Sure. You got me. How can I disappoint my … honorary little sister?” He says the words with enough skepticism to scare me. Then sadness washes over me because I was such a fool to ruin our friendship, to scare him away. How could I be so foolish to want more than he has to offer?

My chest squeezes the hope and possibilities for more from my heart and I want to promise him I’ll never make him uncomfortable again like I did when I forced myself on him that night, when he kissed me and was so horrified that he froze the warmest relationship I ever had with a boy who’s become the best man I ever knew.

Even with the awkwardness between us, he protected me and I did my best to honor that, dating boys while keeping them at arm’s length, literally and figuratively because my heart was never in it. Like a pathetic cliché, I stayed on the kid-sister side of the line Trey drew, but my heart never forgot where I wanted to be. Not even when I went away to college last year and thought I was ready to move on.

But Mom is right. She always said I need to count on myself and put my career first, that as long as I didn’t wait until I was old and shriveled, there would always be men. But will there always be Trey? This is the question that’s plagued me, that won’t leave me alone.

The answer is clear as day that I can have Trey if I’m willing to be his friend, his mock kid sister. I should be okay thinking of it as an honor—honorary kid sister—except I can’t push the betrayal of my heart that far. I love him, but I’ll need to confine that love to friendship love or be crushed and frozen out. That much I’ve learned. This semester we’ll share at SPU will be my chance to cement us as friends forever, to convince him that friendship is all I want from him.

Convincing my heart will be much more difficult, though. A chill of fear goes through me at the thought of losing him altogether.

Chapter 5

TREY

“Where should we go?” she asks, tugging on my arm, barely containing her excitement and energy, reminding me of the little girl with scraped knees she used to be when we’d go for ice cream at Ebb’s Corner down the street. Her warmth seeps through her pink fleece jacket imprinted with NYU in white and gray.

“Maybe we should stop at the campus co-op first to get you a more appropriate jacket?” She frowns for a second before looking down and then immediately covers the logo with a hand, drawing attention to her perfect tits. Like they need more emphasis, even hidden by her outerwear.

“Oh crap, you’re right. I need some SPU gear. Let’s go.” She drags me to the right at the end of the driveway like she knows where she’s going.

“You know where the co-op is?”

“Of course. I memorized the map of campus two weeks ago, as soon as I knew I got accepted to start this semester. How about if we go to Wildbeast Pizza after I get myself a hoodie like yours?” Her grin shows her perfect row of teeth gleaming in the winter sun as I let her walk me toward the main drag on campus. Her long legs match my stride. She’s gotten taller since I last saw her. Shit, she’s changed, grown up.

“How tall are you?” Her grin widens and I feel it like a physical assault, punching me in the chest, battering the wall around my heart. Fuck.

“You noticed—I knew you would. I told Louie you would see it right away. I grew two inches in my junior year of high school. It was awkward at first.”

“Awkward? You?” I snort in disbelief and her smile swells with unreasonable pride.

“Yes, me. You weren’t there, so it was hard to… adjust. Guys have always been …”

“Crazy about you. Guys have always been out of their minds–” I stop and clear my throat, pretend I’m looking at the e stately brick buildings of campus as if I’ve never noticed them. I was one of those crazy, out-of-my-mind guys. “You know what I mean,” I grumble.

“Sure. Whatever.” She waves a hand. “I’m five feet ten now and my height is awkward for some guys. Plus my mom keeps pushing me toward modeling.” I stop walking and spin around to look at her.

“And you’re going to tell me you object to that?” I shake my head. She compresses her smile but can’t contain it. “You would be a fantastic model. Do you know how much money they make?”

“Stop it before you start sounding like my mother. I mean… like—”

“Like your brother. Sorry, Dani. I’m on your mother’s side on this.”