Page 55 of Your Kiss Is On My List

“My hot body, eh?” She laughs. “I’ll give you all you can handle—later. First you need to go win your award.”

“Don’t jinx me, Baby.”

“Don’t worry. You’ve got this, Doll.” I squeeze her perfect ass, making her lose her cool one last time before she collects herself, because I can. I can actually undo the always together, perennially poised Ms. Innocent and it’s a fucking heady feeling.

“Wait for me backstage no matter what,” she says as she let’s go of me and I nod.

“No matter what,” I say, meaning more than she’s asking, meaning everything. Her eyes tell me she knows as she turns and hurries to where the finalists sit on stage.

This isn’t exactly like Oscar night though it feels as important and intense back stage for all the finalists, young and full of hope. Kind of like I’ll feel on NHL Draft day only I bet the speeches here are more polished than draft night speeches will be.

If I make it—or if I don’t… The sharp sting doesn’t show up at the thought because it’s too overshadowed by what I have, by finally having Dani for my girl, for my lover. Finally being able to call Dani mine makes me so high that if they skip my name in the draft it will hardly be a blip in my blood pressure. No chest pain, no gut clenching. Only certain knowledge that I’ll move forward with Dani at my side and do what I have to do to work my way onto a team… or whatever to stay part of the game that’s such a big part of me, that owns the part of me that Dani doesn’t.

I’ll play in the minors and be happy to do it if I share the journey with her no matter how long I have to wait. What once seemed a horrible grueling prospect seems like it would only be another life adventure because it’s with her.

I take my seat, calm when everyone around me is filled with nervous energy. Her dad sits on one side, Gary and Glen—Dani’s brothers next to him—and her mom on my other side with my parents and Lou. Dooley, Heather, Shelby, Emily and Nate sit behind us. I’m not sure how she got all the tickets, but I bet Dooley helped.

When Dani’s category comes up, Personal Profile Pieces, my gut clenches and I grip the arms of my chair, feeling the tension from all of us fill the space around us. They show a snippet of her piece along with the others and I hold my breath because I haven’t seen the final edited version and the wave of self-conscious horror that I expect doesn’t come. It’s riveting. The clip they show is of me at the net where we interviewed at the rink that day, but it cuts away before I break down, instead going to clips of blood covered ice and then Corey’s gravestone. And then an unexpected photo of me at his gravestone, my head down, my hand on the stone.

After all the clips and applause for each one, there’s a heart-pounding drum roll that would seem cheesy if I weren’t so fucking invested in this fucking award, if I didn’t know how much it means to Dani, how hard she worked, pouring her heart and soul into it—pouring my heart and soul into the final product so perfectly.

“And the winner is… Danielle Innocent from St. Paul University for her profile of Trey Eagleton.” Fucking shit. I jump to my feet, our whole row jumps up and I’m inundated with hugs and high fives and fist bumps and I let out a whistle that screams above the applause, so loud and obnoxious it would make Nate proud.

Her speech is a blur, but she’s eloquent and thanks me first and last and I find myself swiping a spot of dampness from my eyes. There are no cameras filming us thank fuck, but lots of people from the audience taking photos and videos including her dad and Dooley. A student she must know from NYU gets second prize judging by Dani’s warm reaction. And third prize goes to Summer Philbin. Dooley is beyond excited, taking personal credit and of course getting thanked by his two protégés.

I make it back stage to find her looking around for me and sweep her into my arms, squeezing her so tight she laughs and complains she can’t breathe.

“Sorry, baby doll. I don’t ever want to stop you from breathing.” I now she under stands that my words mean so much more than getting air into her lungs, that I want her to flourish, to have her dreams and ambitions realized.

We fly back to New Hampshire that night and we stay in my room at BMOC House, in my bed, celebrating her win and mourning my loss.

In the light of day of the next morning she reminds me my dreams are still alive and ready to be realized.

“The NHL Draft is coming up in two weeks,” she says. I nod, stroking her cheek as I hold her. We’re dressed and on top of the covers on my bed, already having eaten breakfast—Majik’s consolation cake. “I’m so convinced you’ll be drafted that I have a bet with—”

“Someone bet against me?” She laughs.

“Guess who?”

“Summer?” She laughs so hard at that her eyes tear up, shaking her head. When she finally calms, I say. “Tell me who the fuck bet against me?” My annoyance grows by the second as my mind flits over all the people in my universe that she knows and I can’t picture one of them not supporting me. Until I hit on one name.

“Bane!” I say it at the same time she does.

“Fucking Bane.” I laugh because I know he’s doing it to be an ass and to humor her, to give her a foil because that’s what he does best. But it doesn’t take long before her face turns serious and I know what it’s about.

“What about being separated?” she says. “There’s only another month—less—left in the semester and then—”

“We’ll go home and spend our time together until the minute I have to leave to wherever I’m going.”

“And then what?” she stares and my heart pounds, but her eyes are more sad than afraid and I swallow back the remnants of doubt.

“We’ll work it out. I promise.” She smiles.

“I believe you because I’ll be working it out with you. Because I’m so in love with you, Trey.” She takes my face in her hands as blood rushes and emotions tangle, closing my throat. But I hold her back from kissing me because I want to tell her what’s in my heart. Need to tell her today and every day for the foreseeable future.

“I’m so in love with you, Dani. I don’t know how long I’ve known, but I think deep down, it’s been since that first kiss and it just took a while to sort through all the rest of the emotions I had, all the shit that got in the way. But you pushed my demons aside and I owe everything to you, every last ounce of my happiness is because of you.”

Her eyes tear up and her face lights with a giddy smile as she closes in on me, pressing her mouth to mine, bringing a flood of passion and closing out the rest of the world, all the things that need to be worked out disappear from my head and I know they’ll all disappear in real life, leaving this, moments like this to share, to keep and to hold onto to sustain us through wherever we go in life, for whatever happens.