Page 3 of Your Kiss Is On My List

“I… know how you feel,” I say. Because I’m the biggest dick in the world. Her eyes go wide and, as if in slow motion, the corners of her mouth turn up. I’m mesmerized by her lips, pink and full and glistening.

“Really? Tell me.” She invites me, her energy spiking the air between us, which has shrunk down because I find myself leaning into her, my arm wrapping around her shoulder, the kitten-soft pink sweater hot to my touch, like an iron burning me, searing my fingertips like I’ve violated a big Do Not Touch warning and I’m being zapped. “Trey…” The whisper of my name on her lips is more than I can resist because I’m a horny dickhead and she’s so tempting, so much more than my kid sister’s friend, the little girl next door. She’s so much more than a little girl.

I bring my fingertips to her chin and lift her mouth so close to mine. I hear her breathing and feel my chest heaving, my heart thudding against the wall of my chest.

“You’re growing up, Dani.” I rasp the words. My jaw tics. Tension pulls all my muscles taut so I’m surprised I can talk or move at all. Her eyes flutter and I suck in a breath, closing my eyes.

“You’re just saying that,” she turns her head away, moving her chin from my hold, sinking back into the couch and giving me breathing room. I take it and gulp in some air. “No matter how old and grown-up I get”—she says it like it’s a mockery—“you’ll always be older and more grown-up. I’ll never be more than a kid sister to you.”

“That’s not true. Maybe I don’t always think of you like that.” It’s half true. Half the time, like an old habit, she is like a kid sister to me. But lately, it’s impossible not to notice she’s a female on the verge of being the kind of girl I’d want to…

She waves a hand at me in disgust. “You would never…” She turns away.

“Never what?” I ask because apparently, I’ve turned into the kind of guy who likes playing with fire. She looks up at me and tugs on my arm, like she’s a kid pulling on a dog’s tail, not understanding she might get bit.

“You’d never… be interested in me.”

“I’ve always been interested in you.” It’s the god’s honest truth. Dani and Lou have always been fun instead of a pain in my ass, even when I tease them and they go out of their way to bother me. Like the time they followed me and my date to Franky’s Pizza last year, sat in the booth across from us, and watched us the whole time until we had to leave. I thought it was funny, but my date—not so much.

Now Dani turns her eyes on me and gives me the kind of stare I’ve only ever seen in the movies, the kind where a woman invites a guy with her eyes to ravage her. My dick hears the silent invitation loud and clear no matter how much I insist I’m wrong, that I’m misunderstanding that look, because she’s an innocent girl and I’m a not-so-innocent boy reading what I’m inclined to read into a look that’s… Fuck.

“As a kid? Or as a … girl?” she asks. She doubles down on her eye fucking and I’m one hundred percent sure she has no idea what she’s doing, but my dick doesn’t care and if I’m honest, right now, the answer to the question is…

“As a girl,” I growl. “One hundred percent.” Half angry at myself, half angry at her, I’m mostly confused and hornier than I want to be. When one side of her mouth turns up in a triumphant tug I want to bite my tongue off. But maybe it’s better if she knows the truth because this is only the beginning, isn’t it? It’s not like she’s going to get less sexy in the next few years.

“What does that mean?” she asks. “What do guys feel? What do they do differently when…” She looks helpless now, truly curious and confused like she’s on the cusp of solving a great puzzle and looking at me like I have the answer. Which in this case, I do. And every part of me, some parts more than others, are straining to hold back from sharing that answer.

“It’s … complicated.”

“Please, Trey?” Her words send a clattering of alarms and signals all mixed and crazy until one sound climbs above the rest. The need, the begging to know what it’s like to be desired, loud and compelling and I can’t lie, can’t pretend away my own answering response, She’s not a little girl anymore.

My body leans in and she clutches my sleeve, her eyes not leaving mine. When I get close enough to feel the warmth of her skin, the glow of her energy and the pulsing of her anticipation, all thinking shuts down, like someone pulled the breaker and all the lights of my brain went dead leaving me with only instincts. And they’re all telling me to kiss those lips in front of me, the ones my mouth is a breath away from.

So I do. My mouth touches hers, quivering with nerves and fear and need and want, pressing deeper into the cushion of her hot-as-fuck lips.

She instantly takes in a sharp breath. My heart stops and the breaker flips back on and the lights to my brain snap on, bringing bright clarity. I jump back from Dani, pushing her away. Her eyes go wide and I’m not sure if the shocked look on her face is from my kiss or from me pulling away. But it doesn’t matter because she’s as horrified as I am.

“I’m sorry—I didn’t. I mean it’ll never happen again.” I stand in spite of my stiff dick, turning away from her though I doubt she’d even know to check my crotch or know a stiff dick when she sees one. Fuck, who am I kidding? She probably knows all too well since she pals around with my sister and Lou knows every damn thing. “Shit. I’m sorry, Dani.”

“Let’s pretend it never happened.” Her voice is shaky, but determined at the same time. I nod.

“Of course. It never should have happened. You’re too young—”

“Stop. I don’t want to talk about it. I never want to hear about it or think about it.” She’s on the verge of tears and I’m paralyzed because I’ve traumatized the poor girl with my horny stupidity, thinking she wanted to be kissed. Right. I’m a stupid disgusting pig. Shame pours through me because now I can’t even console her.

I’ve ruined our relationship forever.

I don’t have any idea what to say as I look down at her curled up on the couch in her fuzzy pink sweater, hugging herself and looking at me like… I don’t know… like it pains her. She sniffles, straightens, and surprises me, regaining the composure I never realized she had.

“It’s okay, Trey. Let’s be the way we’ve always been. You’re my honorary big brother and I’m your honorary little sister—as if you need another one.” She gives a half-hearted laugh and her bravery and generosity touch me, make me feel like an undeserving dog.

“I’ll always be honored to have you as an honorary kid sister, Dani.” It’s true. But I can’t kid myself into denying the tug of regret because I didn’t miss the promise of so much more in that brief kiss. A wistful pang descends on me. I know I’ll be watching her next door while she grows up and other guys will get to take that journey with her, get to be the one she falls for, who she has real grown-up, not-sisterly relations with. Fuck.

“How about some popcorn?” Lou bounces into the room and Dani instantly brightens, returning to her normal self, more poised than any teenager I’ve ever met. She turns to Dani and says, “We’re starved. What took you so long? Trey was threatening to leave if you didn’t get back with the popcorn.” Then she reaches up and tugs on my hand to sit back down on the couch next to her. My sister sits on her other side and plops the bowl of popcorn on Dani’s lap in the middle.

“Well what are you waiting for—turn the show back on,” Lou orders, oblivious of any undercurrents. “Unless you want me to do it?” Our battle for clicker control is endless. Dani rolls her eyes

“Don’t bother, Lou. You know it’s futile. You’ll never get that clicker from him.” And just like that, Dani returns to my kid sister’s best friend, my honorary kid sister. Or at least for her the transition is that seamless, truly like nothing ever happened. But I don’t feel the same and now have a full, visceral understanding of what it means to let the genie out of the bottle.