Page 12 of Your Kiss Is On My List

“You know Trey?” I nod and she takes me by the arms and sits us down on the edge of my bed.

“Tell me how you know him. Do you know any of the other guys at BMOC House? I need—”

“A hot guy?” She laughs.

“Who doesn’t, right? I’m desperate, but I’m not settling. I’m a jock and I have my heart settled on a fellow jock. Because they get it, you know?” I nod. She’s pretty and tall with a great shape, not too lanky, not too athletic.

“You should have no trouble,” I say. Then I wonder why she doesn’t already have someone and why she’s desperate. “Did you have a recent bad experience?”

“How’d you guess?”

A pretty blond girl knocks on the open door. “Hi, Emily. And you must be the new girl, Danielle Innocent? Love the name.” I bite my tongue to keep from saying it should belong to you because that would be rude. Besides, I do my name justice just fine, don’t I? Still a virgin. For the moment. It’s not a sin at nineteen, is it?

“This is Heather. Her room is pink and cream. You should get along.” Emily purses her lips. “I was just about to confess to my new bestie all about my mad ridiculous crush on Dylan Jones last year. The whole tragic story of heartbreak and betrayal.” Intrigue perks me up because I know there’s a story, but that she’s over the tragedy because there’s a lightness in her voice that’s not totally feigned. Heather’s brow crinkles for a second, but she puts aside whatever bothers her and I know instantly this girl doesn’t have a negative bone in her body.

“I had the same crush,” Heather says, “Dylan was to die for. But not anymore, I’m with Shelby now.” Her entire face glows with the effusive smile she puts out, warming the whole room. Or at least that’s how it feels to me.

“You look so happy,” I say. “Tell me all about him.”

“Shel has a soft heart he covers up with fun, humor and a protective streak like a caveman. It appeals to something primitive inside me.” She pauses to blush again, then laughs. “Only thing is he thinks he’s too primitive for me and so we aren’t sure we’re exactly together sometimes. Or he’s not sure. I know in the end he will be with me.” Her unsure smile speaks volumes about her conflict, but I’m an optimist.

“I believe you, Heather.” And I know exactly how you feel. I have to believe that Trey and I will be together in the end somehow, either friends or lovers—or both. I need to believe that or I’ll go crazy.

More importantly, I need him to believe that we can be both, that he wants me enough to cross the invisible fence between us that he erected four years ago. I want so badly to break that barrier down, but I’m so afraid if I do, I’ll lose him altogether, that he’ll ghost me again and this time he’ll be gone for good and we won’t have Lou and his family and being next-door neighbors to keep the tenuous link between us.

“What about you and Trey? You know him?” Heather asks. Both girls’ eyes are on me and they see something. My crush on Trey may as well be advertised in bold print on my forehead.

What do I tell them? The truth? About my epic fail to be more than friends? Or do I go with the story I already put out there, that I’m his girlfriend? I’ve created a sweet scenario and I’m not in the least bit of a hurry to let it go. If I extend the fib, something that doesn’t come natural to me at all, it will feel wicked, almost mean. But who am I hurting? No one but yourself in the end. Not even Trey. I especially don’t want Trey hurt. As long as I look out for him, I can live with my fibbing. For this one occasion.

“We’ve been friends forever—but recently we’ve turned into more…” I don’t know where to go with my sentence, much the same as I don’t know where to go with my feelings for Trey, my true feelings, the ones where I want him to own me, to burst through all my defenses, including the last one—my virginity.

“And what does more mean?” Emily looks like she wants to hear juicy details and I wonder what to say. Then I decide that I’m all in and go with my wildest dreams for me and Trey.

“It means we’re… physical, hungry for each other, and—”

“Got it,” Heather says. She’s blushing and my heart warms because I don’t know another girl my age who still blushes. I think I’m in friend-love with her now. She goes on, “I know how you feel—not for Trey. I have those feelings for Shelby.” Her blush turns a furious hot pink and I automatically reach out and hug her. I notice Emily rolling her eyes.

“I need some of that in my life,” Emily says. “Let’s go out and find a guy for me.”

“I was going to get something to eat and then meet Trey at BMOC House—how about if you two come with me? There’s bound to be a hot guy or two there—besides Trey.”

“I’m in,” Emily says. She makes it sound like we’re on a team and ready to win a game. Note to self: teach Emily how not to think like a jock.

* * *

When we get to BMOC House, Heather leads us to the back door.

“They’re probably in the kitchen eating. I hope Shelby is here.” She taps on the door and unless the guys inside have supersonic hearing they’ll never hear it. Emily practically shoves her aside and reaches for the doorknob. Before she can turn it, I reach around her and rap on the door hard enough to be heard, but without rattling the glass.

“We don’t want to barge in to their meal without warning,” I say. “Jocks are like wild dogs when it comes to food in my experience. You can’t interrupt them while they’re eating or they’ll—” The door swings open and I find myself face-to-face with Trey. His hair glistens like he’s fresh out of the shower, but he didn’t shave, leaving an irresistible stubble that makes my fingers itch to slide along his jawline to feel the scrape. His lips are plump and juicy as his mouth tilts upwards and his eyes crinkle, the chocolatey pools making me melt.

I normally say everything I think because I understand what people are feeling and need to respond to that. So my sudden loss of words and thoughts confuses me. I realize for the first time that I need to control my emotions, that I can’t be tongue-tied by my feelings overwhelming me every time I see Trey. Because every time I see him, I taste the possibilities as if I’ve bitten into him.

“Come in,” he says. Is it me or is his voice a deep and growly invitation for more? I blink away my wild fantasy and remind myself of reality. Do not scare him off. I need to keep his friendship if that’s all he has for me. Too bad keeping my cool is so fricking hard.

“I brought my new friends—you already know them.” I move aside for Emily and Heather to go inside while I stand with Trey just outside the door.

“Good choice in new friends,” he says. His stare says a whole lot more but I’m having trouble deciphering him, my fantasies intruding on what’s really on his face, on his mind and in his heart. My heart beats fast. Settle down and keep control, girl, or you’re going to need heart pills.