Page 10 of Your Kiss Is On My List

“You must have me confused with some girl named Danielle Innocent, because she’s the perfect one,” I say. Her eyes glisten and I swear I can hear my heart cracking as she swipes a tear away. “Enough of all this happy shit.”

She laughs for real this time.

“You’d think someone died,” I continue. Then I give her a side glance. “No one died, did they? That’s not why you transferred to SPU?”

“No. Guess it’s time to tell you that story.”

“Make it short and quick. Rip off the Band-Aid.”

“I ran into my dad in New York City.” Her jaw tenses and her mouth clamps shut, but her eyes never waiver from mine.

“Your dad?” Shock hits me so I don’t know what else to say.

“I know. I didn’t know it was him, but he knew me and he was outside the Dowd Student Center waiting for me after my last class. He’d seen me on one of the school broadcasts and—”

“He came to see you? That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” With anyone else it wouldn’t be nearly enough to make up for the long absence, but Dani has always given her dad the benefit of the doubt even with the constant snipes and complaints by her mom. I figure the guy can’t be all bad. How could he be and have a child with such a beautiful soul, an eternal optimist who sees the good in others and doesn’t give up on people or on anything? Not even me.

“Not according to Mom.” She gives one of those you know how she is shrugs and a sheepish smile. And I do know how her mom is. She’s a hard-living, hard-working woman who was once a beauty, but the only way you know is because she tells you about it all the time. She’s got resentment and harshness down pat. The only time she shows a spark of humanity is when she’s drinking, which I suppose is often enough, and then she’s witty and warm and brags about her daughter. But Dani loves her no matter what.

“Did you talk to him?”

“I… yes. I felt guilty because of Mom, but I was so happy to see him. I thought my heart was going to rocket out of my chest and take orbit.” Her face brightens and I bask in the glow. “He lives in New York City and he invited me to visit him and his family.” Joy blooms on her face and I wonder—not for the first time—what she would look like while having a spectacular orgasm. Then I curse myself for being a fucking pervert.

“What did you say?”

“I told him I’d think about it. He has a whole family, Trey. I have actual siblings and I’m so unreasonably excited about it I can hardly stop thinking about them. He showed me photos—not from his phone—actual print photos. I need to meet my family.”

“Shit, that’s big.” She nods and I fight through my own unreasonable excitement on her behalf. Seeing her this dazzlingly happy makes me realize how much she’s been carrying, because it makes her normal, happy excitement levels seem like a yawn.

But even if she’s ready to toss aside the fact that her dad’s been a ghost for the past dozen years, I can’t help thinking about the devastation of hurt she’ll have if he bails on her again.

“Did he say why he hasn’t been around?”

“Yes, but it’s crazy,” she says. The stark change in her expression churns my gut and I know it has to be bad to make her look so lost like I’ve never seen before. Her emotions are running wild, so unlike the always bright and sunny Dani I used to know.

“Tell me.” I steel myself and reflexively put my hand on hers, trapping her big eyes with my own. The last time I saw them look so troubled was the last time I saw her. The day I left for SPU three years ago. Fuck.

“He says Mom threw him out. Wouldn’t let him back and refused all money and gifts. But how, Trey? How could that possibly be true?” She shakes her head and looks down. I tip her chin back up. My heart’s pounding and I can’t imagine how she feels.

“This is fucked up, Dani. Maybe your mom was too hurt to see him. But remember, no matter what, none of it is your fault. And you still—”

“Have you?”

I give a half-laugh. “Always.” How can I say anything else? How can I be anything else but there for her? I vow to make sure I am, that I never let her down again or ruin things between us again.. She needs to know she can count on me to always have her back no matter what happens with her fucked-up family.

“So I should pay no attention to the last three years?” She’s teasing but I see the hurt. It’s right next to the complete and total forgiveness.

“Shit. About that. I… don’t know what to say. I have no reason.” None that won’t sound stupid. Guilt churns my gut and I feel sick. I’m as bad as her dad and I have no excuse except I was a panty-ass who couldn’t tolerate seeing her with other guys. Fuck that.

“I figured you just needed to get away and establish your independence,” she says. “That’s what Lou said about why you didn’t come home much. Your dad and mom expected it, said that’s the way it should be. ‘A young guy needs to separate from his family.’” Her imitation of my dad is way too accurate and I clamp a hand over her mouth. Why the fuck do I always need to touch her? I ask myself this the second my palm touches her mouth and the sizzle snakes along my nerves all the way to my dick.

I remove it immediately as if she’s going to bite—and who knows, maybe she is.

“Sure, that must be it,” I say, half joking, half believing the story and now guiltier than ever if I’ve ghosted my whole family even a little. But my long absences must be affecting them if they’re talking about it and making up reasons for me to be acting like I’m an orphan. “My dad only complained to me when his tickets weren’t center ice. He never minded not staying for dinner afterward.” She shrugs without judgment. “We were talking about your family,” I add and watch her face as her brilliant smile loses fuel.

“Someone’s lying to me.” Her voice shivers with steely hurt, like she needs to know exactly who betrayed her and by how much, no matter how much it hurts. And then she’ll forgive them, because that’s who she is.

“You think your mom lied to you about your dad? All these years?” It seems like a stretch, but it would explain her wry bitterness. Mrs. Innocent was always famous for her dark humor about her situation as the abandoned older woman, but in truth, she wasn’t that old. Still isn’t, now that I have an adult perspective. She’s in her late forties at most unless she’s a lot older than she looks—which could be true.