Page 40 of I Want to Know What Love Is

“I… don’t have an answer right now. I’ll have someone look at the agreement and I’ll get back to you.” He nods.

“Smart. It’s all I can ask. Except make sure whoever looks at it is an attorney because one of the conditions is confidentiality.” I nod. That’s one thing we can agree on because there’s no fucking way I’d want anyone to know about this fucking arrangement. It’s too close to the bone, reeking of prostitution. A professional escort at the very least. My dark mood takes a slap in the face when I glance at Heather and her pretty pink blush. She’s an innocent bystander in all this. Maybe I should be ashamed at pulling her into the dark picture I’m painting.

There’s always more than one way to skin a cat—or in this case, more than one way to look at a situation. The dark way or the easygoing, light way. Take it easy, Dyllie. My grandpa said the words with meaning more than once whenever I’d get too dark, which had happened often enough ever since I was old enough to frown. And he’d make me smile every time.

“Got it,” I say. “Confidentiality.” Heather meets my eyes and nods. Maybe confidentiality will be harder than I first thought because I think I’ll explode if I can’t talk to someone about it. The first person who comes to mind should be my best friend Shelby, especially since it’s his father the lawyer who I’ll have look at the agreement, but somehow my rational thought process gets derailed by the image of Amanda and I wonder what she would think about the arrangement. But she’s the last fucking person I can talk to about it because she’s the last person I should be talking to at all. I don’t need to get closer to my crush, I need to push her away.

“Then I’d appreciate your answer by tomorrow because I’m flying to London at six p.m.”

“I’ll get back to you by noon.” My confidence comes from nowhere. He reaches out a hand and I shake it. When I turn to Heather I hesitate, not sure what to do with her, although my first instinct is to take her away from here. “You want a ride back to campus?” She nods. Of course she does.

Which is good. Because we need to talk.

* * *

“Shit.” It’s the first thing I say to her once I slam the door closed behind me and we head to my car.

“I’m so sorry about this. You know I had no idea—”

“I know. Sorry. It’s not your fault and nothing against you personally. It’s just…” I swipe a hand through my hair as I realize I’m an ass because I’m acting like she’s some kind of hazard to be avoided. I open my passenger door for her and she slides in, head down.

“Look if we don’t tell anyone, it’ll be okay. You can do whatever you want. Uncle Oscar will be out of the country and he’ll never know—”

“No, if I agree to this, I’ll keep my part of the bargain.” And just like that, I know I’m going to do it. And I know I’m going to have to find someone else to capture Heather’s impressionable young heart. She smiles and I start the engine. Maybe someone named Shelby.

Fuck. This deal is turning me into a matchmaker. But it could work.

The way I’m interpreting the deal is that I can play her protector and treat her like the kid sister I feel she is. She’s cute and it won’t take long for some deserving fellow football jock to sweep her up and off my hands.

In the meantime, I need to ditch the spike of guilt plaguing me.

“Does that mean we’ll be dating?” she asks. I sigh.

“I… I’m seeing someone else.” Technically true. I’m seeing Amanda Lake even if it is for tutoring. But that kiss made it more than technically true for me and until I can rid myself of the crush, I can’t seem to think of another woman, or girl in Heather’s case.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Will she be upset that you’re… showing me around?”

“No. I’ll be like your mentor, Heather, like a big brother.” The fall of her face deepens the slice of guilt, but I shove it aside. It’s time to rip that Band-aid. “That’s how I think of you. You’re a sweet, beautiful girl, but there’s no chemistry. You must feel that.” She blushes furiously and dips her head down and I hope to god she doesn’t cry as I drive. I’ll have to pull over and console her if she does.

She sniffles, makes one swipe of her hand across her cheek and looks up at me.

“Well, then, I guess I’m counting on you to introduce me to someone who’ll appreciate me for more, someone who feels the same—the chemistry. Or whatever.” She waves a hand.

“Oh, I’m sure I will.” I’m thinking of Shelby, but I don’t dare mention his name because I’m not going to get her hopes up to be dashed again if he’s not on that page. Though I have a feeling, based on the way he looks at her, that he’s feeling some of that elusive chemistry where she’s concerned.

For me, all my love chemicals are being squandered on the one woman who I may as well call Coach Impossible. The urge in me to test the impossibility theory rises up and I’m looking forward to tomorrow night’s tutoring session.

The smile I aim at Heather isn’t meant for her, but she responds. Shit.

“Who knows,” she says, “Maybe you’ll change your mind.”

Fuck.

Chapter Eighteen

Amanda

Tuesday night Finance 101 tutoring